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Death chases me and is catching me

Last year in November I was struck down with a really rare disease" porphyria" like really, you can’t be serious. Makes you really sick really quick and giant blisters grow on your body, for me it’s my feet and heals. I had a baseball sized blister on each foot made it mainly impossible to walk, couldn’t run and play with m son. Last week was the turning point, on the Monday I had my usual check up, the Nursing staff said, come back once more next week and we will discharge you from our service, Friday I got up out of bed, stood down on my feet and pain rushed up through my legs, I look down and each foot has lager blisters than be4. Blisters onm my hands and face also. I feel like I’m cursed. I’m signing a DNR tomorrow as last Nov I died 6 times in 2 days and was on life support and in a coma for 3 weeks. I just can’t stop crying at the moment… My wife and son are trying to be strong but my illness is taking it’s toll on them to…, … I can’t go through another 10 months of being sick again…

I had Vitamin D deficiency a couple years ago and I still have to recover a huge deal of confidence that I have lost, at that time. I am about to seek counselling in order to heal mentally, as I already have done a couple years ago, and it worked wonders. I guess time also helps with healing: every day that I feel all right is another good day. It will get better with time, if things get really dark a good support network will work wonders, and maybe a bit of counseling.

Thanks… A friend of mine who’s a pastor in the USA put me onto this. I appreciate your reply.
I have very bad mental illness, even when my body is well my mind still wants to do harm to me. Today due to pain I laid in bed all day, crying and talking myself out of self-harm. I’m quite surprised I made it to tonight. I just don’t know if I can spend another 10mths on the couch watching the world go by and contemplating my passing…