December 23rd, also, thanks kitboga

December 23rd is the anniversary of my husband’s unexpected death. The day before Santa was to arrive, I had to tell my four young children (all under 8) that their dad wasn’t coming home. I was still grieving the loss of our infant son a few months before, and it’s honest to say that if my other children didn’t need me and if I didn’t have to find a way to make that Christmas special despite our pain, I wouldn’t have made it to the new year. I almost didn’t anyway, but today I’m glad I’m still here.

Then this last year happened and I lost two more family members to the pandemic. I learned from my previous loss that the way to get through it (for me) was to just keep going. Keep waking up, then take one minute at a time, then one hour, then one week…and so on.

If you’re reading this and are in a dark place, know that it will get better and that the world needs you. Just keep taking the next step forward. You may not see it now or understand why the world needs you, but it does. I remember not being able to see the end of the very very dark tunnel I was in, but I kept walking and found that there was light at the end. Keep going.

Also, thank you @kitboga. This last year has been a special kind of hard, and laughing with you a few times a week has helped. But especially today. The anniversary is coming up in a few days and I feel the loss intensely as I prepare Christmas for my kids again. Not gonna lie, I cried as I wrapped presents during todays stream, but found myself laughing just as much. You matter too man, and you make a difference.

-an anonymous twitch supporter


@JavaJ Welcome to heartsupport, Thank you for posting here, you have been through more than I can ever imagine and I am amazed at your strength and courage. I Do not know how you got through the last year and you will no doubt say it was for your children but I think there has to still be something inside that gives you more than that and what ever that something is that makes someone speak of how things will get better and to move forward knowing the world needs them, you have buckets of it and I am in awe of you.
I can certainly understand why this is now the toughest time for you and that you have to put that brave face on once again and that must be so difficult friend. I am glad you have Kit to keep you entertained but please know now that you have the heartsupport family with you too by your side whenever you need us. You are a wonderful human being, you deserve so much happiness and I wish you that more than I can ever tell you. I wish you and your children a lovely christmas friend. Much Love Lisa. :heart:


Hey there @JavaJ

I’m so sorry for your loss. It must have been so difficult for you and I can’t imagine going through the holiday season after losing such important members of your family. You are so brave and strong, for your kids too. They have such an amazing parent and role model to look up to!

Your bravery to pass on these kind words through your loss and grief inspires me and I feel less alone reading it. I hope you feel less alone in this community, too. As a fellow Kit viewer, his streams have helped me too and I’m glad we are able to cope through tough times with both his and the HeartSupport communities. I hope you and your kids have a lovely Christmas, and don’t forget that you matter too <3


Thanks guys. Merry Christmas to you too.


I am happy you are still here, I am so so so sorry for everything you have been through


so sorry that you went thru so much, but thank you for sharing these lessons with us. This was so powerful!

I’m glad you stayed and i’m glad you can be here to teach us! You’re amazing!


Oh friend. I’m sending you so much love. You’ve lost so much. It’s not fair. You’re so brave and strong. I know your kids see your strength. Gosh, you are so strong.


Thank you for being so strong through a dark valley that most people couldn’t make it through. I am thankful that you are a part of this world. This world needs you too, & thank you for sharing your story. You are amazing. You are strong. You are worthy. You are loved.

Merry Christmas! Hope you have a wonderful New Year! :yellow_heart::yellow_heart::yellow_heart:


I’m sorry for your loss. It really hurts losing people, but remember that even if he is passed on now, he is not gone, he will forever live on in your heart, your family, your children. He will keep on living within your life and experiences, and most of all- your memories.
Like Dan sad: “You’re a good mom.”
You’re an amazing mom. Mom’s are amazing and You’ve done so much! Those family members won’t leave your heart ever, they will continue to live on in many real ways, and your son will always be on your heart <3

I’m sorry I haven’t much to say, I’ve been through a lot before and it made me very bitter, so I can’t say too much.

Keep loving and living,


Hey @JavaJ, thinking of you today and sending love your way. These anniversaries are very painful. Make sure to take care of yourself today, as much as you can.

You are loved so much and your presence is a blessing to all of us. :hrtlegolove:


I’m so glad that you’re still here. I’m holding you close in my heart this holiday season. Thank you so much for sharing your story.


In 4 hours, today will be tomorrow.

Thanks for your words, friends.


Very proud of you @JavaJ. I hope Christmas is going to be a time full of love, hugs and beautiful memories to create with your children. You are an amazing parent to them, and your presence here is dearly appreciated as well. Merry Christmas, friend. :hrtlegolove:


Hey hey,

Just checking in to see how you are. You are loved.




Love you very much. You matter, and you are wonderful.

<3 Zephirah



Hello @JavaJ Wanted to check up on you and see how you were doing. You are loved and you matter! ~Mystrose


Hi JavaJ
What happened to you was just horrible and you have through a very rough time. You are so very very strong. I hope your future is brigter that your past and I hope you can find hope and happiness in even times like these :slightly_smiling_face:.


From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hey Friend, Its been a month since you posted on our support wall and your story touched me so much, I also remember the sadness of watching Kit read it out and respond beautifully to it. I wanted to check in with you to see how Christmas and New Year went? I hope you and your children managed to make some beautiful memories even under the circumstances. I also hope that 2022 is being kind to you all and please know that we are here for you whenever or if ever you ever need us here at heart support. Much Love Lisa. X


From: eloquentpetrichor

Hey there, JavaJ! :hrtlegolove:
How has the new year been treating you and your kids? I hope you were all able to enjoy your holidays despite feeling the loss of your husband and their father so strongly. I feel so strongly for you and your story. We are always here for you. Stay strong :hrtlegolove:


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