Hey. It’s been quite a while since I last posted. But I have been going through absolute hell the last few weeks/months and I just need support. So, I became pregnant as of the last 2 months. But, unfortunately, I suffered a pretty bad miscarriage and I am still reeling over it. My mental health has been declining slowly since this incident, and I just feel like shit.
Also, I don’t feel like I’m wanted/needed. Like anywhere. Whether it’s online or IRL, I feel so excluded/left out and I just feel so sad. I need to also get an appointment with my family physician to get an official diagnosis of autism because I am feeling so many things and with talking with some other people over Discord and Twitch streams, I’ve become curious as to if some of my behaviours demonstrate autism. I hope this makes sense, my brain is all over the place.
My anxiety is at an all time high and I just want a way out. I just can’t get rid of this feeling that something horrible is about to happen, and although I’m in a safe place, I just cannot shake it. I just feel like no one wants to be my friend and I’m so insecure right now. Oh! I also need to lose some weight, because I am wayyyyyy too big for someone my height and including my medical conditions, it is just needed but I can’t get in that state of mindset where I’m ready to work it off. There is so much shit in my head right now, so I’m sorry if this post is a bit rambly. I just don’t know what else to do.
I did just start a course to become a CCA (continuing care assistant, for elderly people) and I am beyond stressed about this as well, because I want to actually pass it and become somewhat of a success. Is any of this making sense?
I care about you. I promise you that you are seen. You belong. Always.
Because of some life changes I’m currently trying to figure out my own schedule and trying not to end up overwhelmed too quickly, so I’m spending less time here during this transition – all of this to say, this isn’t a long response full of thoughts or insights regarding what you bravely shared, but I wanted to stop by today and send you a reminder that someone cares out there.
Looking forward to catch up as soon as possible. In the meantime, know that you are so very loved my friend.
wow I am so sorry that happened to you and I am so sorry you feel like this. it sounds hard, no wonder you feel overwhelmed. you deserve time to process your miscarriage and process the possibility of autism and the feeling of not being wanted. those are all massive feelings to have and pain to feel. wishing u love <3
Micro, my dear friend. I appreciate your kind words yet again, and I wish for your sake that you figure your schedule out as well. Sending you all the love.
Thank you for the words of validation, friend. Life has just been giving me so many hard balls, I just don’t know where the end is, if that makes sense?
Welcome back, friend! I know you feel like you aren’t wanted anywhere but you are always wanted here and we are always happy to hear from you
I’m so sorry for your loss and for the physical and mental toll it has taken on you. I cannot imagine how you feel right now but I’m giving you a huge mental hug. I hope you can find a way back to feeling like yourself again and feeling like you belong and are wanted.
You are awesome. You are strong. You are loved. You belong. You matter.
thank you for posting here and knowing this forum is always here to support and love you. i hate that the last few months haven’t been easy on you, my friend. i’m so sorry for the miscarriage you suffered through and are still feeling the pain, grief, and heartbreak from. you’ve endured such a traumatic event that a declining mental health is understandable. have you reached out to support groups or a professional to fully work through this grief? support groups recently helped a family friend grieve through her own miscarriage and i hope similar healing can reach you soon.
as for the feeling of being excluded, high anxiety, and insecurity, these are such difficult feelings on top of everything else you’re experiencing. i hope the physician can help you find an answer and offer more insight on your life and how to decrease the anxiety.
please know as well that it is absolutely okay to ramble here, you can say as much or as less as you need to. we’re here by your side through it all, sage. i wish you all the luck i can send your way on your CCA course. i know the love, care, and commitment you’ll bring as a CCA is unmatched and i can’t wait to hear what the future holds for you.
First off, it’s so good to see you back on the HeartSupport wall. I know personally, it brings a smile to my face to see your name on my screen. Secondly, I want to say how truly sorry I am for your loss. That’s so much to deal with & process as well. Remember, it is important to take some time & assess how your body is feeling through all of this. Take some time to figure out what needs attention & what can be placed for another time.
For me, it is helpful to set up a plan on what to tackle first & what to tackle at the end of everything. Be kind to yourself. Create space to breathe, cry & feel all of the things. All of your feelings are valid & they are all equal to one another. You are an amazing person & I am thankful that you are a part of this world. Never let the world dull your shine!
You are wonderful. You are strong. You are valid. You are enough. You matter.
SagetheSpirit, I’m so very very sorry for all that you have just gone through. A miscarriage can be such a painful experience especially when we don’t understand the why of it. Please allow yourself to fully grieve this loss sweet friend. Does your OB have a listing of support groups you might be able to join as you work through this pain? Please during this time, don’t focus too much on your weight. Take time to heal, and get yourself into a place where you are ready to work on weight or other health conditions. You are lovely just as you are and being healthy is more than the scale number right now. I want you to know that you belong here and you are truly wanted, valued and loved here. Please be gently with yourself as you have so very much on your plate right now. It sounds like you are working through so much at once. Again, we love you and you are part of who we are as a community. Please keep us updated on how you are doing.
It sounds like you’ve been through so much and I’m so glad to see you reaching out on this platform. I can’t imagine how stressful some of your many anxious feelings may be, particularly when compounded with the many other things going on in your life. With that said, please know that you will always be valued here in the HeartSupport community. We want you here. We care about you.
Please also remember to try taking things one step at a time. When you have so much on your plate, it’s easy to become overwhelmed. Try to go easy on yourself. Try to take on these challenges one at a time (I know, it’s much easier said than done).
I also see your question regarding when you’ll feel better and when the hurt may end. I know that it’s so easy to lose sight of hope when so much is going on in your life. With that said, time and effort will eventually bring you to a place where you feel better; it just takes time and I’m wishing you all the best in that time waiting. I know that it’s so painful in the moment, but I also know that you are strong and can push through this.
I’m also glad to hear that you are continuing to invest in yourself and that you are becoming a CCA! That’s a wonderful calling, and I’m proud of you for making those efforts.
