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Deleting my ex's photos, gratitude journaling, and thank you Kitboga+HS

I wanted to make my first progress post to celebrate the positive things in my life, which is something I’ve learned to do this year and has helped my mental health a lot :relaxed: This might be long lol
EDIT: aw hecc this is long

I posted here a while ago about feeling upset and triggered by my ex unfollowing me on social media, and the support has really helped me calm down during that time. I can look back at that now and think that my feelings were valid and I must have been in a really stressful frame of mind in general for it to have such a strong effect. I’m okay now. It has become clear to me that the presence of my ex in social media, even just their username, is not good for my mental health and I chose to get rid of that trigger. I guess I must have had hopes that maybe things would be okay between us again, but on the other side of things, I have grown to love single life/my life in general, and the new hobbies and interests I’ve discovered throughout this year of growth and moving on.

A couple of days ago I decided to finally delete all of our photos together. I’ve kept them in the Hidden album (if you have an iPhone you probably know the Hidden folder… although I’m not sure what the point of that album is. It’s not really hidden lol). Funnily enough, the photos didn’t trigger me as much as I thought they would, and I sent them on their way :wastebasket:. It just feels like a final “this is it”, even though it’s been over a year now that we’ve broken up. I still have a lot of work and growth to do. I can’t easily say that I’ve completely moved on yet, but this is a huge milestone for me.


Some context for the importance of these photos but feel free to skim through:

The photos are super significant for the relationship because I have a LOT of them on my phone. When my ex and I were still talking, they said they had deleted all of the photos. I was in this weird limbo of whether or not they still wanted to date me, because I didn’t know what they wanted and I wanted things to be clear and consensual. They wanted me to be the one to be firm and say that I wanted to be in a relationship with them again… which was strange because they broke it off in the first place. So it didn’t make sense for me to squeeze myself in a space where I a) was told to leave, and b) don’t feel welcome in anymore. If that makes sense at all. They wished that I would do a lot of things I didn’t even know they wanted me to do after our breakup (“romantic” things like show up at their house and give them flowers and ask them to come back), and they wouldn’t think twice about coming back and restarting the relationship… I was just not keen on overstepping that boundary that we made as ex partners. It would be something I do in a relationship if I did something wrong and I wanted to make up for it, and they know I used to do it all the time because it was clearly stated. Anyways, that was my mini vent about that. I definitely feel like a relationship with that person is no longer healthy or desirable for me. I miss some things about it, but I’m starting to see the silver lining. I’m not ready to date yet for plenty of reasons, but I know in the future I won’t be too afraid to try. I don’t want this post to focus too much on this so I’ve separated it in a lil quote box :3


Something I started kinda early on in the year was gratitude journaling, and journaling in general. I bought this cute notebook from a stationery shop and I would only fill it with positive things I’m thankful for. Anything. Waking up. Having water. Having a working fan. Nothing negative–that goes in the gray journal lol. Even though the gray journal is more filled than the gratitude journal, I make sure I write in it whenever I can and spend time filling the whole page, or half a page, of anything I’m grateful for that I could think of. I don’t put pressure on myself to write on it everyday, since I know sometimes it’s recommended to write something everyday. I personally just think of a few things to stay grounded and mindful, and if I really want to write it down, I’ll reach for it. It makes me feel a bit better taking some time to write and reflect, and it will be nice to look back on when I finish the whole notebook. The gray journal is a brain dump/vent journal, and I find it works for when my mind gets wayyyy too noisy. It’s a cheap, unlined notebook so I don’t have to feel bad about scribbles or imperfections unlike my other blank, pretty notebooks lol

Finally, something (er, someone) that has been frequently mentioned in my gratitude journal is @Kitboga. I know he did the stream with HeartSupport (Casey and Dan) which was such a kind thing to do. I, like many people here, discovered this community through him and I can never stress how grateful I am for it. I have always wished for a safe online community to talk about mental health and life. It’s so difficult to get counseling and therapy, and my options are limited, or not even completely discussed with me because I end up learning about new services I didn’t even know existed. I got free therapy sessions from a youth mental health service, and when I used them up I was recommended to free sessions from the student health department at my uni. I don’t think sporadic appointments throughout the year would be enough because I keep identifying things that I want to work on, and next year is my last year at uni so I don’t know what my options are after that. So I’m extremely thankful for HeartSupport. I’ve also only been able to catch Casey’s streams so far and the absolute supportive vibe of everyone has made me feel like the world isn’t as cruel and awful as I thought it was for so long. Using love, light, and kindness to help others is really saving my life right now and I really feel like I can do the same. I want to take that positive energy I receive from this community and pass it on. So thank you Kit and HeartSupport for taking the weight off my shoulders, reminding me that I am valid, and giving me hope in this world <3

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soooooo much I love in this post, THANK YOU for sharing this with us!! I see so much growth, and so many positive forward steps, slow steady steps that you’re building into your day so it becomes habit!

That quoted bit makes it sound like your ex is kinda hoping for skewed movie type dramatic gesture, which doesn’t happen in reality in a normal healthy relationship, the type that likes to break up with you just to keep you in a state of limbo wondering what you did wrong and always “making up” for mistakes that don’t exist! Does not sound healthy and I’m glad you didn’t fall into that trap. Sounds like you’d be breaking up every 3-4 months for them to relive the “thrill”.

So proud of you for deleting those pics. Use that storage space and make some new memories, no matter how simple the pics are! rocks, birds, your own footprints or shoes, you’re worth it!

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Wow this post though!!!
Firstly I admire your strength and im really trying to get to where you are at right now…I got dumped two days ago and it’s really killing me…I have tantrums and sometimes I just feel numb and sometimes I’m fine… I’m trying to take @Sita advice of taking up a new hobby but currently I work and study and my exam is next month so I should be focusing on that. I’m legit going to throw myself into studying… for the past few days my confidence has taken a major blow I’ve cried so much because my ex was very hurtful and he absolutely doesn’t care about me at all and has told me that several times

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Congratulations on your milestone and im sorry for venting

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it’s okay to vent. hopefully the positive posts will motivate you too, and remind you that things will get better soon, and that the pain you’re feeling now, while intense, is not permanent :slight_smile:

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Definitely I am inspired by @misty’s milestone. I am trying to get myself better quickly I can’t let myself go, if he isn’t bothered by this breakup why should I be wasting time on him. I’m writing an important exam soon, thank you all for saving me.

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you get that paper done and crush it! :smiley:

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Thank you for reading my post <3 I really am in such a lighter and more positive mood recently and I just wanted to give that energy back to the communities who have helped me through it.

Yes that’s exactly what it is, for a short period of time we were doing that on-off thing until I realized we weren’t going to reach a decision where we’re both happy. I sometimes wish it wasn’t that way, but now I’m in a much better place. Being kind to myself helps so much (and I’m really happy about the extra storage space on my phone, it was slowing down lol!)

Hi friend <3 I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I know how awful it feels. My breakup happened during the summer but the emotions still ran through uni and I couldn’t even work! Kudos for you for still managing all of your work and study, your hard work is seen! I can sooo relate to your self confidence being diminished, that happened to me too. What your ex is saying is really hurtful and you don’t deserve to be told that. Please don’t listen to these words, it comes from a deeper place of anger and a lot of issues that has nothing to do with you. I hope you have support over this time, and to help you get through exams too (we’re always here for you too!) And don’t worry about venting, if there’s anywhere you can go to vent, it’s here <3

I’m glad that my story inspired you! I can’t assume how you’re dealing with your breakup, but a lot of people told me “oh it gets better” etc and I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel AT ALL. I understand that now… because I’m living it. But I don’t know if it would be entirely helpful to tell you only that, because even though it does get better, there will be hurdles–healing isn’t linear. There’s gonna be epic days and there’s gonna be crappy days where you’ll feel like you haven’t made any progress at all. But you’re always moving forward <3

You’re absolutely right when you said “if he isn’t bothered by this breakup why should I be wasting time on him”. It was hard for me to fully disconnect from my ex. But I knew I had to go, I had to move forward with my life. It sucked so so much and I still have a long way to go, but I’m so lucky Kit talked about HeartSupport. Just having kind people on the internet iron my crumpled thoughts out (I should really stop with these metaphors lol) helped me think clearly and feel like I will be okay. Even for just a while. The silver lining is there.

Thank you again for reading my story, I’m so glad that it resonated with you. Good luck on your test and if you ever wanna chat, you can DM me! And of course, post on the wall too if you wanna vent or talk about anything, we’re here for you <3

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ps never stop with the metaphors! :smiley:

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