Without telling my whole life story, have seen a lot of life happen as well as seeing myself experience highs and lows of incredible heights. My personality is that of a giver and performer: will gladly serve others all day long with disregard for my well being. Now being in my mid twenties, busyness with service is beginning to be a front for not dealing with hurts, pains, fears, etc of my past and present. Some of those things include: short romantic relationships that were short and sweet (ultimately using someone to feel better), being a social chameleon (able to be super social without ever being in one group, never having a best friend/deep understanding friendships), and seeing the students I now lead suffer for my depression and burnout (them needing lots of quality time throughout the week, and me being flakey due to my depression). Overall, just feeling a mix of burnout, isolation and unresolve with the mess of depression fueled with pornography addiction, and just don’t know what to do to begin the process of becoming mentally healthy. There’s a large pool of issues to be dealt with in terms of pain and habit, but depression and isolation keeps pursuing help a struggle that’s out of sight and out of mind
I find your feelings very relatable, especially the part about being a giver and a people-pleaser. It’s hard to change your mindset to know your limits when it comes to helping others. Giving yourself boundaries is okay.
If I may suggest a resource, HeartSupport has a workbook on depression called Dwarf Planet. I haven’t completed mine yet, but it’s been helpful so far. You can find information on that and their other resources here: https://heartsupport.com/resources/
Recovery can be a messy process, but it is worth it.