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Depression is ruining my life

I have been up and down with my battle with depression for many years, but it has gotten especially bad the last two and a half years. Divorce and the sundering of my family sent me into a pit that I have not been able to climb out of. It has gotten so bad that I can hardly function at work. I muster up the strength to FORCE myself to perform for a few weeks… this last time it was almost a full month. And then it is like I burn out and I fall back into uselessness… It has gotten to the point where I’m afraid I will be looking at being terminated soon. My boss has taken note of all of this and, though she knows my situation, seem unsympathetic.

I’m scared of loosing my career I have worked so hard for, my house, the means to provide for my son… but at the same time a large part of me is indifferent. “it figures” is the response that comes to mind. I feel useless and everyone around me seems to agree…

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@utmost

Hi. Nice to meet you. I’m sorry depression is getting the best of you. There were times that depression gotten to me, and it was horrible. What you are going through is normal. Depression doesn’t last forever. It comes and goes. You can still figure out of how to overcome it. If not, HeartSupport has a book called Dwarf Planet. It’s about depression, and how you can cope it. You can buy it online. If you are short on money, you can contact HS to give you a free copy. It’s up to you. I hope you are hanging on. Thank you for sharing. If you want to vent more, this forum is open for you.

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I’m sorry to hear that you’re in such a rough time with depression and the pain of divorce. I’ve been there, too, where I can’t even do anything at work and I feel like that’s the piece of my life that I can normally control. It sucks, but you aren’t useless. Thank you for sharing here.
Just because you’re worried that you will lose your job, house, and provision, doesn’t mean that it will happen. I just felt the need to say that because someone told me that one time when I was spiraling and it helped.

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I have found a combination of things very helpful for me in my ongoing struggle with depression.
Everyday I find an uplifting message or meme and I post it for my friends and I type up the message so that the blind can read it. (Who knew that was an important step)

Another thing I find helpful is when I have the energy I find someone I wouldn’t normally help, and I reach out and help them. (this generally makes me feel better too)

And finally in the same way that many online communities have rules about and guidelines about what you can write, make your own guidelines for real life about what you will and what you will not let others say to you. Making boundaries is super important. And once you have those rules fully in your head you tell your self that you have to follow them too. (Super hard, not going to lie, just super hard the 1st time, but it gets easier with practice.)
So that when the voice of depression tells you any of the numerous BS hurtful things, you say “No, that is not helpful, be nice.”

Rejecting negative self-talk can be hard at first but practice works wonders. I’ve been at it for 9 months and I wouldn’t say I’m cured, but I’m definitely improving.

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