I have been dealing with depression on and off for years. This all started after my Mom died of stage 4 cervical cancer (terminal) in 2016. So many years have passed but it feels like it just happened. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to come to terms with her death. We were so close and I don’t think I ever grieved properly. I did do therapy and take depression meds years ago. The meds did help me tremendously because I had a lot of anxiety and just felt in despair. Now I don’t have as much anxiety and feel fine other than the sadness I feel every one in awhile and I would just like to find a way to cope fully. I want to be happy and not feel stuck or down even when everything else in my life is just fine. Thank you so much Heartsupport and @Kitboga!!! I love all your videos and I laugh so much watching them. It makes me day! Merry Christmas!
Hi Shelly-- I want to first welcome you to the community and applaud the courage to share your struggles with us. That vulnerability and transparency is no easy feat. And I’m so sorry that you lost your mom. 5 years to deal with the loss of someone so pivotal in our lives…it seems reasonable that your system is still trying to sort things out and find a way to come to terms with it. Give yourself grace. I’m not a therapist but I suspect at some future point you’ll still miss her but the pain may only be brief and won’t lead to a depressive episode. As for the depression, I too experience depressive episodes off and on. For the most part, the severity has decreased over the years of utilizing my new practices. I’ll share some of what I’ve learned over the years that has helped. You may have heard these before but with regularity they do work. One method is gratitude journaling. It doesn’t need to be much just writing down like 3 things daily you are thankful for. The second is mindful meditation. Science has demonstrated there are real changes that happen in the brain with regular meditation. One other thing I’d like to pass on. Our brains periodically give us emotions without context. We tend to “write” a story to explain the feeling. If we were to remove the story from the feeling, for example, “man, I feel sad. There doesn’t need to be more to it than that. I’m just feeling sad right now.”, then we can help reduce the feedback loop that perpetuates sad feelings. There are some good books that explain this better. If I think of them I’ll come back and share them. With practice you can sort of take the teeth out of some emotions. Sadness may appear but you’ll be able to say, sadness is here, I’ll acknowledge that, take a moment for myself and trust that this feeling will pass. Hopefully some of this is helpful. I wish you the best. Hold fast friend.
Hi @Shellyg247 I’m so sorry you are feeling the loss of your Mother. This is usually the time of year people who have lost people they love feel it the most. We never really get over this type of loss, but things do get easier to cope with eventually. I really hope you will be able to reflect on your mother’s life and the good times you had together and not the sadness part of it. Much love ~Mystrose
hey shelly, thank you for being here and posting. your mom raised an excellent human being like yourself, to love so purely, and have others’ memories and life live on within you even after they pass. the pain of losing a loved one, especially a parent, will never go away but that isn’t a bad thing in the slightest. it goes to show how much love you have for them, with how you miss talking to them or the good memories y’all shared. i encourage you to approach 2022 with a renewed sense of embracing the full grieving process, allowing yourself to heal, find closure, and know that the hurt is there to remind you how much you love and care for your mom. sending you all my love and calm wishes for the year ahead, shelly, and happy new year! love, twix
Hey Friend, thank you so much for your post, I am very sorry for the loss of your Mum, that really must have been such a traumtic time for you, it may well have been a number or years ago but it was literally a life altering experience that changed you and your family for ever and it stays with you, maybe not as deeply and strongly thank goodness as it was but it it does. You did the right thing having therapy and seeing the doctor for help and that would have gone a long way to getting you through the most difficult time hopefully. I think when you are that close to someone you are always going to have those moments of sadness of loss of times when you want to pick up the phone and call them to tell them some good news or you are sad and want them to make you feel better, that never leaves you, someone here said that grief is the price you pay for loving someone and its a wonderful thing to love someone, i hope things brighten up for you in 2022 please stay in touch with us, we are here for you, Much Love Lisa
Welcome to the community, Shellyg247! Thank you for posting and trusting us with your story.
Are you thinking you should never be sad about your mom anymore? Because I don’t think that will ever happen and I don’t think you would want it to. If you are still feeling like the grief is constantly new and raw then that is something I would talk to a therapist about but if you just sometimes still miss your mom and feel sad that she isn’t around anymore then I think that is just the grief that is always present when someone we love isn’t around anymore. And that sadness tends to increase around holidays we used to share with that person. Just constant reminders of them pop up. Just let the memories flow even if they come with sadness is the best advice I can give.
I hope you have a wonderful 2022. Happy New Year!
I am very sorry to hear about your mother’s loss and how much things are missing in your life because of it. Unfortunately things in life cannot always be perfect and you never have zero wishes in life (even if the wishes may never always be good for you). It’s perfectly okay to be sad about your mum! I hope later on you’ll be able to feel better about yourself and have a better life. You can do it
Merry Christmas and happy new year