Depression, Social anxiety, and problems trying to change

Hello guys, I’m a 16-Year-old Student from Germany, and I have Depression and Social anxiety.
For the past year or so, I’ve been going to therapy, which sadly didn’t help me a lot. But it’s my fault since I haven’t really done everything she told me to do, like finding a Hobby or a Job, because of my Social anxiety/awkwardness which I’m really struggling with. Even, if I didn’t have all the anxiety, I’d still feel stressed out, and I’d never find a start to it, because there’s some much “important” stuff on my mind. But if you lack good emotions, like fun, and motivation it’s very hard to get yourself to doing something which is uncomfortable, even tho I know that that’s a key factor when trying to “cure” Social anxiety. You also get that, “I Don’t Care” mentality, and you feel emotionally numb and empty, you can’t really cry anymore, even tho I’d like too, even as a boy. I feel like I really want some good friends whom i can talk to, but on the other hand, I just want to be alone or ride my bike at night, because I can be alone there. Another thing which has helped me in the past, was my passion for Aviation, which has almost completely faithed away, even tho im currenty working on my Sports Pilots Licence(Im really thankfull for the oportunity). I havent tried things like drinking(which would be allowed in my country) or taking drugs, or anti-depressants, and I don’t plan on doing so. I’ve learned soo much stuff about succesfull people, or how to come accross as confident using your body language, or in general just changing bad habits for good, but I know that Knowledge CAN be power, if you apply it on a regular basis, and be consistend with it. Ohh man, I’ve been sounding like a wannabe philosoph, which brings me to my last point, which is, that i dont really feel like a 16 YO. I’ve missed out on soooo much stuff, which a “normal” teenager, whould have allready done, like going to partys (didnt do so because of my SAD), or just getting drunk at times, or in generall not really anything “dumb”. But what am i gonna tell potential kids… That during the age of 15 to 17, I’ve made plans, to improve, because i felt like i was worse then most people, but never acctualy done anything, because i was “blocked” by my fears, which i wanted to overcome???. SOOO, finaly i want to ask you guys, if you could give me advise, on how to start being more social/ or cure my depression. Ill try to work hard, and push forward. I’D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR MY BAD ENGLISH, and i would like to REALLY THANK ANYONE, WHO’VE READ THIS FAR.

@Vic Hey. I’d like to say you did great with your English. I couldn’t even tell that it isn’t your first language. I’m sorry that you struggle with social anxiety and depression. A lot of people here understand the struggle of that combination and I’m glad that you were comfortable enough to post here.

I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s your “fault” that the therapist’s advice didn’t work. There’s a lot of factors that go into making a therapist’s advice work. You didn’t get a job or a hobby, ok, that is on you, BUT did she give you the tools to help you with your social anxiety? Did she tell you how to recognize when your anxiety is starting to build up, and did she tell you things you can do to get a hold of it before it gets too bad? Did she give you multiple ways of trying to conquer it? If she didn’t give you any tools, or if she didn’t give you more than one, then she failed you. If she did give you tools, it isn’t too late to try them. It’s never too late to begin. They will be tools you have for the rest of your life, and they are what will help you in the long run. Sometimes while trying out the tools you were given, you can figure out a (healthy) tool that wasn’t presented to you but will help you best. (You don’t have to answer the questions here. Just something to think about.)

Before getting a job, you do need to try to get a hold on your anxiety. A hobby doesn’t need to involve other people, but you do need to at least try. It takes money, but there are cheap hobbies. You could crochet if you buy a crochet hook and skein of yarn, or you could knit if you buy a pair of knitting needles and a skein of yarn. You could learn to paint, there are cheaper canvases and paints. Or, since you like aviation, get model airplanes and paint them There are plenty of videos on youtube to learn how to do any of these. Or pick something that you’ve always wanted to try. I get not having motivation, there are a lot of things I’m not motivated to do, but sometimes getting started on something feels worse than when you actually do it. When I don’t want to do something, and I’ve been putting it off for a while, I make myself do it. I tell myself, “This can’t wait one moment longer.” That may not be the best solution for you, but maybe you could try it sometime.

All I can say as to what you’ll tell any kids, is maybe you can just tell them you were working on making sure you were healthy so you could be the best dad that you can be. Or maybe you will have a better response until then. It’s years away, and to be honest, I don’t think that you should be worrying about that right now.

One more thing. Partying and getting drunk is highly overrated, and there’s nothing wrong with missing out on them.



Thanks for the advice! I saw your profile and read about what you’re dealing with, and I just want to say, that you’re a good human because you’re helping others even tho you’re struggling yourself. So you’ve questioned if my therapist would give me tools to really conquer my social anxiety, but she didn’t. When I first started going there, I went because of my depression, not because of SAD, but I agree with you, and I think there needs to be a good combination to really “cure” that stuff in the longterm. I also agree with you on “This can’t wait one moment longer”, because If I had something uncomfortable to do, I’d always say “This doesnt matter, I’ll do it tomorrow”. But there’s the thing, I do paint (It looks like drawn by a 6 YO), and I like it. But I think my therapist Is kinda right telling me to find a hobby with people my age, and I’ll probably try, even tho I have big time anxiety going to a new group. So finally I want to say, that I have a challenge in mind, it’s about talking to 100 Strangers in one Month, and I think I’d really help with SAD. But you know, if I can’t start, I can always try anti-depressants, right?
So Daisy I wish you a great day ( even tho it might be night in the US :smiley:), and I hope that life get’s better for you in the future.

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