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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to The Grudge by Tool
Did experience Tool on a shroom trip where it lifted my narrow mind for the first time. Listening to them since then, bringing tears in my eyes regularly. I was not offered a lot of choices in my life, and I feel that I hold onto something very strictly, cold and sad. Thank you for your explanation, I will reflect them.
I love how song can helps us understand our emotions. Life is always a mystery and gives you so many opportunities. I kind of accept the bad decisions that I made in my life. Also, I learned from that to not do it again. You made feel life is limit your choices but it’s not true. It’s never too late to turn your life around. It took me in my mid 20s to get my life together. You aren’t alone suffering this problem either.
Thank you for sharing these parts of your story, friend. It makes sense that this music holds a special place in your heart, and somehow helps release emotions that you might be used to carry with you, but still deserve to be released at times.
Somehow, what you’ve expressed about feeling like you were not offered a lot of choices in your life, and holding on to something cold and sad, resonates so very deeply with me. Early childhood trauma has shaped so much of my life and so much of who I am that it often feels like I was never given a proper chance to discover who I am. It feels like I have to constantly exist in reaction to something - my fears, my past, my anxiety and depression. It’s hard when it feels like, somehow, you don’t even own your life and are essentially forced to suffer the consequences of others poor choices. It leaves a mark that is hard to describe, almost like a sense of longing for things you don’t know and never experienced, and a deep sense of ongoing grief too. When you express holding on to something cold and sad, it makes me feel for all these nights spent crying, and all these moments when loneliness felt like reconnecting to a pain inside that never seems to go away. That for some of us, it feels like our default mode in existence is this utter sadness, grief, with a strange touch of nostalgia within. Missing the things we’ve never known and wish we did.
I dont know if any of the above resonates with you - but still: thank you for sharing. Thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable with us. Thank you for being. I hope that, one day, you will like embracing your life fully. Like being at peace and finding closure with all the choices you were never given. For you are alive, breathing… for you are, you exist, and you are still uniquely you. 
@@HeartSupport Thank you both for your kind answers. Micro, your text especially resonates with me in many ways. I feel like not living the life I want to but at the same time not being allowed to do differently. I just want to fulfill my desires - but are they really desires or is it just a deep sorrow for not being seen in the first place, as a child? I did experience regular crying two years ago, there is still a lot inside of me I believe.
Also, I cannot really locate emotions as long as they are not massively obvious, like anger and depression. Grief and nostalgia build a strong foundation though. It’s insane how dependent of others I still am, I just want to achieve some kind of peace for my soul.
I will be starting trauma therapy soon. So this might be the right path then.
Thank you for your words, I feel like this is helping a lot. I still have to re-read your words to actually understand everything. Much love