Hello everyone I need some help answering this question that’s been on my mind for over 2 months (I’m gonna give some context first) . I recently helped a friend who I will refer to as Y get out of a toxic relationship with a another friend at the time who I will refer to as X. I’ve known X for a about for about 5 years and would have considered them one of my best friends. They grew up in a pretty bad home but always came off as someone with a good heart. 2 years ago they got with Y and it really seemed like they were in a really healthy relationship, but behind the scenes there was constant fights and cases of cheating, Mental, Emotional, and Verbal abuse (never physical) from X to Y which none of us knew at the time. They broke up once and got back together and even though they seemed to work it out, it all went downhill again. Y finally had enough and opened up to me about what was going on and that they needed to get out of there, so I helped them leave. With only a letter left behind Y moved back home and my other friend and I decided to also cut X off. We later find out X has the exact qualities of a Narcissist and since then has only confirmed it with constant harassment on social media, phone calls, and bending the truth to those who found out about the situation. Not only did we help Y get out of there we also had our reasons to cut X off by finally seeing and realizing things that we didn’t see before and finding out they would take advantage of our help and support by feeling they were obligated these things (and even accused me twice of thinking I would get with Y). I don’t regret helping Y at all but I also just left X even though they for the second time just ghosted me and my friend for like 2 weeks (they did that on the first break up also). It’s not like I don’t believe Y they are a really good person. Not only have I seen proof through text messages but Y would have absolutely no reason to lie (they truly valued relationship). Even after the constant harassment my friends and I have been receiving from X and their friends with post of him and random people I’ve never even met saying all of us are too pussy to confront X (they have a very high school like mindset) I still every now and then think what if I had suggested they needed help or at least confronted them but they would have denied everything cause they recently did that to Y over a phone call a month ago before Y blocked X for good and is still denying over social media. Did I do the right thing by just leaving? I continue to read things like the best thing to do is block and cut out a narcissist (which we all have). I love helping people with mental health struggles that’s why I love Heart Support and so much and I’m even a Psych Major and that’s why I feel so bad about just cutting them off, I don’t plan to become friends again or anything cause they have truly shown how fast they can turn against me once I no longer have supported them, but I just have a guilt in the back of my head. Thank you for reading if you got this far!!!
Hey friend, thanks so much for reaching out!
This is a really complicated situation, but sometimes the answer is simple: yes. You did the right thing. That doesn’t make it any less horrible to think about. As empathetic people we will always feel like we ‘should have done more’ and regret things, but reading through this, these people were not a good influence on your life. I’ve cut off people who I dearly loved, and while it’s freaking painful to do that, I can honestly say it beats the pain that keeping them in your life would bring,
One thing I’ve found that’s helped me process cutting people off is using the things I learned from that relationship and applying them to my current friendships and relationships. Everybody is in our lives for a season, and you will be able to be a better friend to the people you like now because of what you’ve been through
So proud of you for reaching out, and I really hope some small bit of this has helped
Keep reaching out when you need, we love having you,
I believe in you
YLB
Hey there AMG,
I feel like you did the right thing - I also believe that they both individually need some help on their own terms. Boundaries need to be set and both parties need to be talked to from your perspective and truth be told, at times loving people (meaning x here) from a distance can be a good thing for the both of you.
Getting out of a toxic relationships and friendships is a hard thing to do because you love the person. Love knows when to let people go. Let them fly on their own with their choices. That does not mean you love them any less.
Take care of yourself as well
Hold fast
Zephirah
Thank you so much!, this really has helped especially hearing from someone has has made similar decisions. It’s been me, Y, and another friend communicating between each other because we don’t want to start drama, so to hear this from an outsiders perspective is really refreshing.
Thank you Zephirah, I will keep this in mind if I ever start to feel this way again.
From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ (Discord)
Hi @AMGiii Just checking in, hope you’re doing well and have a clearer picture of things now. Take care! ~Lizzy
From: Lisalovesfeathers (Discord)
Hi friend, gosh this looks very complicated but from what I can work out here it seems that you did exactly the right thing, you supported a friend in need against someone who was mistreating them and that is nothing to feel bad about. I think that is what a good friend does. Y is lucky to have friend like you. Much Love Lisa.
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