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Did i do it all wrong? or is my mom over reacting? tw // sh and abuse

ive been trying to get out of JROTC for a while, and i finally did in october 2021, and i constantly lied to her because it was the easy way out and has always been for me. i always had to lie because of my narcasisstic and verbally abusive father. i always had to lie to make him happy, and make him feel better because if we didnt go his way he would blow up on us completely to the point of calling the cops on him. anyways, she found out about it and im grounded for the next 3 months if not longer, due to us not picking a punishment yet. from seeing my friends, skating, playing basketball, doing guitar and drums (and my phone ofc, im doing this on a alt webrowser on my school chromebook) and i had been having a shit week previously due to my face dysmorphia coming back at a all time high, but it was slowly getting better because one of my friends was helping me with it and making me comfortable again. and covid has been getting worse which is damaging my social abilities and mental health because i dont know what to do. i relapsed on wednesday (1/12/22) and really bad, but it felt so good and it took away so much of what ive been feeling. i dont know how to tell my therapist this and that im not happy anymore and havent been for a while again. and i know im probably going to relapse soon which im not excited for.

anyways thanks for listening ig,
sincerely jj
he/him

(ps, sorry about spelling im dyslexic and dysgraphic)

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Speak plainly to your therapist. Don’t pull any punches. Express exactly how you feel. You are in an extremely dysfunctional family situation. Neither of your parents have a valid reason for being upset with you, except for the fact that you didn’t tell them sooner that you dropped out. However, it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to face such inappropriate responses. It’s like facing the emotional equivalent to putting your hand into a flame and leaving it there.

It sounds like your mom and dad both overreact. It sounds like being grounded for three months is a punishment. Are you expected to pick another? Hopefully, you will find ways to avoid confrontations with them. One thought to hold onto is that you won’t be there forever.

Welcome to Heart Support!

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i dont see my father alot, my family is divorced i see him maybe around once or twice a month. but my mom doesnt know what to do because shes truthfully on the reciving end of it and i dont know what to do, the only thing i really know how to do is adapt and change according to whatever happens. ive given my close friends my email so they can contact me that way, now i just kinda have to wait it all out. this also isnt the first time this has happened, i have a large problem with lying due to it always kind of being a natural first instinct for me when i lived with my dad alot (i lived with him alot up until about a year ago, large event happened and i can only see him at certian times) so its about deconstructing the negative parts about it and rebuilding at this point

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I think overcoming the urge to lie is a rite of passage for many of us. There were times when the only way I could stop being beaten was to lie. I also witnessed my parents and brothers lying a lot. Entering adulthood, honesty became a goal to work towards. It didn’t just happen naturally. Now sometimes, I’m too honest for my own good.

I’ve heard it said that a big part of surviving a messed up childhood is early awareness that it is messed up, rather than believing that the pathology is how things are supposed to be.

You are doing an incredible job of coping!

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From: micronious

I know sometimes things seem tough and the mountains seem so high. With a situation like that, you really need to understand that none of any of this is your fault. You are put in that situation. You are responding the best way you can to your knowledge. This most certainly does not make this your fault. How you understand what this does to you, and learning from those observations will be key in overcoming these obstacles and truly be happy. I hope so much you are able to be happy and are able to share that happiness with your family in a way that is healthy for all of you. I hope so much that the healing light fills your family and heals the hurt and you can all be happy together! Each and every one of you matter so much to this world and each other. Sometimes it’s hard to express that… but just remember to keep trying and have hope for a bright future! Life can, and will get better !

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Thank you so much for posting here, can I start by saying that I think you are incredibly brave and strong. There really is very little more I can add to what @wings has written, you have been dealt a not so good card and I hope that you know that none of this is your fault. I don’t know why your Dad behaves in such a manner towards you but it is wrong and I hope that you grow up knowing that this is not the way to treat people? I think by reading your words you do already know that as your maturity already speaks volumes please keep in touch and look after yourself we are always here if you need someone to talk to. Much Love Lisa x

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