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Did I overreact?


#1

I debated on sharing here because…well, this situation seems really silly compared to what others share here. I feel like I would just be bothering my friends if I continue talking about it, so I’ve just been keeping these thoughts to myself but that isn’t really working anymore.

Quick background:
I got out of a semi-toxic long-term relationship in 2017. I started feeling comfortable dating again, after using the past two years growing as a person and learning to make better choices when in a relationship. So a couple of weeks ago I signed up for a dating app.


I really liked one guy on there and it felt like we got along great. We had some good conversations going, but one weekend his profile, and our conversations, vanished from my side of the app. I thought he had unmatched/ghosted me with no explanation.

And I was incredibly confused and hurt because:
A) I really liked him.
B) I feel like if you’re getting along with someone, but aren’t feeling interested, then have enough respect for them to tell them the truth.

The day after he vanished from the app, he had contacted me on instagram after I posted a picture (I was already following him on there but he wasn’t following me). He told me he had deleted the app “in a fit” without realizing our conversation would be gone if he reinstalled the app.

This honestly sounded fishy to me, but I wanted to believe so badly that he was interested in me so I trusted that he was telling the truth.
I straight up told him that if he wasn’t interested then he needed to be honest with me. But he said he was, so I gave him my phone number so we could stay in contact should he delete instagram “in a fit”, and he followed me back on instagram after this.

I did what I feel any person who’s interested in another would do: I texted him good morning and to have a good day, I asked him more questions about one of his hobbies because I wanted to know more about it.

Everything felt fine but then one day he never replied back to my latest question.
I checked instagram later that day because I wanted to see his pictures (he’s a cutie! Who’s not going to look at their crush’s instagram?) and saw that he had soft-blocked me there (soft-blocking is a simple way to get someone to unfollow you if you don’t want them following you).
I thought that was extremely weird? Because we were getting along so well (I thought). But I respected that choice of boundary he set so I didn’t try contacting or re-following him there or taking a look at his stories.

I thought that maybe I was starting to freak him out by telling him, “good morning”, calling him a fun nickname, and asking him questions/showing an interest in his life.
So the next day, I sent him a dumb doodle I drew, because he usually replies back to when I send him drawings, but I never heard back from him.

That night, I checked instagram again and found that he ended up blocking me there. And now at this point I’m just pissed off because I don’t feel like I did anything wrong? And I had told him to just be honest with me and tell me if he wasn’t actually interested.

I ended up blocking his number. But a few days later, I decided to write to him. I think I mainly did it for closure, or for me to have a final say in the situation. But I wanted to let him know how his actions had hurt me.
I told him how we’re both adults and that I’ve told him to just be honest with me about his feelings rather than go the route he did with his actions. I then thanked him for sharing parts of his life he did share with me, and for unintentionally inspiring me.

I thought he had blocked my number too because I didn’t see the little “delivered” note pop up fast enough. So I re-blocked his number and moved on with my life feeling a little bit of closure.
But I looked on my ipad the other day, and it apparently has my text messages on there as well, and I DID see a little “delivered” message under my text I sent him.

And now, I’m looking back and wondering if I just overreacted and ruined everything?
But I feel like, if you really liked someone you would reply back to them in a timely manner and uh, also not block them on instagram? LOL
Like, I could handle him not texting back right away or a day later. But the blocking thing is what sent me over the edge.

And now I’m also wondering if maybe he DID reply to my text with an explanation (or maybe he told me that I was a psycho and to leave him alone LOL)

I was starting to feel like I made the wrong choice in how to handle this situation, but as I write this post and remembered events, I can see little red flags here and there. And I feel like beating myself up about it, because I kept ignoring his behavior that bothered and hurt me because I just liked him so much. I learned about making smarter choices when dating, and I just feel so disappointed in myself because I couldn’t apply what I had learned in this situation.

And honestly? If he were to reach out to me now to connect again I would totally jump at the opportunity. And I’m mad at myself for that because I should know better, and that I should be better at moving on from people I like.

I tell myself that if it’s meant to be then it’ll all work out in the end. And if it’s not? There are others out there. But right now, I just feel really confused and upset at myself because I feel like I messed everything up by overreacting. : (


#2

I think you did the right thing. If he’s blocked you and not replied, don’t be just as bad and shut him out too. With that closure letter, you feel better about yourself, and you let him know what you’re thinking. I know you have doubts about what you did, but everyone is different and has their own opinions about this and that. What really matters is if you feel better now and if you think you did the right thing. (Which I think you did, but then again, it’s your decision)
Wishing you luck,
Jinx


#3

Hi there Jinx! Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. I really appreciate it. <3

At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. Often, I get in the habit of doubting myself and the choices I make. I ended up unblocking his number in case he ever wanted to reach out to me (although I figure if he really wanted to he knows where to find my email LOL). And am also in the process of unblocking him on instagram too.

Thanks for helping me feel less crazy about the situation! <3

-Deer


#4

You deserve it, Deer!
And same, I get that doubting stuff a lot too. Annoying as hell. Hold fast! :slight_smile: