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Difficulty in seeing someone’s intentions

I’m not sure how to deal with this. I got involved with someone a couple months ago as a hookup . We met at the club I work at. I was going through a lot of grief at the time so it just kind of happened.
He’s a lot older than me and has a lot of money. That’s not why I got with him by the way. He looks a lot younger than what he is and he started off really nice.
I had a hard time being with him because it made me sad and brought back memories of my ex who I was deep in love with. I had some panics and said this maybe wasn’t a good idea. This guy said he wanted to restore me, said he loved me after two weeks and even invited me to live in his big house so I can get my life together. I panicked some more.
He tips me a lot at my job…sometimes this even pays my bigger bills. He calmed me down when I needed it. I liked him but I pushed him away because something about it didn’t feel right. Getting over someone and trying to pursue someone? I don’t know about that.
I told him in the beginning I felt like a mess and that I’m just trying to pull my life together. As said he ll be nice most days but he has a habit of calling me a train wreck and then he started getting confusing and mean. He said he’s trying to help and ask me for nothing in return but he tries to get me to live with him and talks about fucking me even though I don’t think that’s something I want to do.
I just moved here so I don’t know a lot of people so he’s easy to call when I’m lonely or going into a depression.
Sometimes we ll have fun, but other times he ll go off how I’m just all wrong, a living mess and even had the nerve to say I ll probably be dead in year if I keep living how I’m living (I’m bipolar so sometimes I struggle with moods and recklessness…but I work on it everyday). He said if I decided to commit suicide…which was how I was feeling when I was really down last week, he said I should do it right and just get it over with. He said he doesn’t want to talk to me…but today he left me a message on my phone saying he cares about me.

I feel guilt getting involved with someone when I wasn’t ready. I pushed him away so many times only to call him again a week later. I feel incredibly lost and helpless with how to deal with this. I messed up. Maybe I caused confusion in him. I don’t know how to stop it fully. Please someone help



I’m going to be completely honest here. This does not sound like a good relationship or encounter to be involved in. I think your initial gut feeling should be trusted. You have said a few times that you think maybe this isn’t a good idea and maybe you shouldn’t. I think that you should trust your gut in this.

This sounds like it could potentially and very likely escalate and not go well. Potentially even be very dangerous.

I know that you’re probably hurting from your last break up. I’m sure that you probably get lonely. But don’t risk the safety of your well being and health for someone that could hurt you.

Him telling you that you’ll be dead in a year or that you should just get it over with is not something someone you would wan’t to be close to would say. That alone is a red flag. He may have money and tip nicely, but no amount of money and nice tips is worth you sacrificing your well being for.

I’m very sorry for the hardships that you have had to experience with people.

Do you think maybe it would be healthy to call this off? Delete his number. Block his information. And if he gets weird, get a restraining order so he can’t come into your work place if it comes down to that.

Be careful my friend. You matter. Your life matters. Don’t let him manipulate you.

  • Kitty

This guy doesnt sound like the ideal mate you want to spend your time with. He sounds like he is throwing mixed messages. I’m almost highly aware of his motives but you never really know unless they tell you. Like Koyangi said, go with your gut on this one. Learn to enjoy your time alone and be in the present. At first it can be lonely doing things on your own but you learn alot about yourself and realize you don’t always need other people to feel happy.


Hi @Rosethorn,

If you have a weird feeling, it is certainly for good reasons. I understand why you feel the need to be with someone who makes you feel safe, who helps you. But it seems that he has some power on you and if his intentions are wrong he could use it against you. I hear that he is kind to you sometimes, helps you with your bills as well. But his reactions, what he says about suicide and about wanting to “restore” you, that he said he loves you after two weeks, invited you at his home and wants to have sex with you, can be considered as red flags of what can become a unhealthy relationship. It can be very subtle.

As you say, his intentions are not clear. And he sounds to have his own struggles… that you can’t handle for him. Maybe he feels alone, maybe he is genuinely nice sometimes, maybe he helps you but that alone doesn’t make a healthy nor a loving relationship.

As our friends here, I’d like to encourage you to set some boundaries and stay away from him. He sounds to be someone who’d potentially manipulate you, and you don’t need that. Just being unsure is already enough to stay away.

Stay safe. :heart:


From: heartsupport

We love you and believe in you. Hold Fast

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From: ladytapioca

Hey friend. First of all thanks for sharing. I’m so sorry this is happening. To me, as someone who has been through similar things sounds like he maybe manipulating you? You need to open up to him about these feelings and be honest. You may have moved but still talk to your friends or family about everything. You’re not alone you can find help either with resources the community has or ones if your town. You can get past this and grow, I believe in you friend. Hold fast.

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From: spacelady1971

We love you, and just know things will be okay. Relationships are a tough thing. I know you’ll find the strength to make it through all this. Thank you so much for sharing!

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From: th3oggy

I agree totally with Dan and yes run from that relationship. You dont need to be put down while your struggling. Sounds like he is not being sensitive to your needs.

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@Rosethorn The guys responded to your post on the livestream today. Hold Fast.


Hi, im gonna be hones with you, I don’t think he is the right fit for you, you seem very nice and none of the panic attacks are your fault, if this is constant then you need to find somebody to help you with this situation to stand up to him. You deserve a lot more than him and you need to find somebody who will be there for you as long as he/she is connected to you. If I was in your place, my first advice is to tell him to stop. If he does not tell anybody you can trust that he is causing you trouble. If he start getting aggressive then call the police when you know he will be held back until its too late, when he is at work would be your best bet. If you want to do this peacefully, you could sit him down and talk to him about everything that has been bothering you, you could tell him about what things you would like him to change and he would do the same. Just remember nobody is perfect so you can decrease your problems until you reach a limit where you two are safe with each other and can easily ignore each other’s flaws

I hope you fix this <3