Digging myself deeper into the ground

So I haven’t posted about my problems on here in a while. I guess I don’t have the energy, or I feel like it’s not that important and I should be able to deal with it…
Recently I’ve been so busy, and so stressed out. There have been multiple nights where I just don’t go to bed and I’ll take caffeine pills instead, just so I can get my hmwk done. The thing is I still don’t get my hmwk done. I’ll work from 10pm-6:30am and then I’ll have to stop and get ready for school. Not only is my hmwk load killing me, I also have to manage Marching Band and work. I’ve tried talking to my teachers and some of them are okay with me turning in work late. However, I’ll get so behind and then new stuff will be pilled on top of it.
I’m digging myself into a hole, and now I’m just waiting, wondering when I’ll hit rock bottom. Almost a year ago, back in October, I had another inpatient stay in a hospital. I’m getting worried that if I end up in a hospital again, then when I get back from missing a month of school, I will have so much to catch up on, that I’ll be stressed out again.
Part of it is my ADHD. I will sit and try to read a chapter in my text book, and my mind will wander every which way. I’ve tried everything to help, but nothing works, and that’s why it takes me 5/6/7+ hours to do hmwk.
I don’t know what to do anymore. People don’t take me seriously when I say I spend 7 hours on hmwk, they think I’m exaggerating. I’m NOT. They don’t have any idea how it feels to be up all night with no sleep, then go to 8 hours of school, followed by 3 hours of practice, and then getting home and having to do hmwk before I can go to sleep. I’m up for 35+ hours at a time, sometimes. It’s at a point where I’m getting physically sick because of it, and I’ll have to miss school because I feel like I’m going to throw up or pass out.
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’m ruining my body with how much caffeine pills I’m taking, and the no sleep, and the high levels of stress. I just need help. But I guess this is what I get for being a highly motivated person and taking 3 AP classes and 4 others. And it’s not like I can drop any of them anyway.
Why is life so hard?

Hey Ash, it sounds like you are really overwhelmed at the moment to the point where it’s causing your body physical harm but not sleeping, using caffeine pills, and so much stress. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this.

It’s sounding like you have way too much on your plate. 7 classes, 3 of which are AP, AND band would be a lot for any student, but it sounds like your ADHD makes it especially tough. Have you spoken to your teachers or administration about your ADHD? It sounds like you’re not getting special accommodations that you’re entitled to, such as an amount of homework that is reasonable for you. It is unreasonable for you to be up all night doing homework and be unable to finish it. I know people with learning disabilities who had to unfortunately fight for these special accommodations but it was worth it, because once they got them they were able to really handle their adjusted workload.

You say that you can’t drop any of the AP classes or band. But you can’t also be staying up all night and abusing caffeine pills in order to do so. If even with adjusted workloads, you find you still need to stay up all night to do everything, you really need to talk to your teachers about letting some things off your plate. Whether that’s one of your classes or band, it’s up to you. It’s great to be an overachiever, but it’s not good to overextended yourself. You’re doing so much overextending that you can’t excel because it’s just physically impossible. It’s okay to not be able to handle all this.

I really hope you talk to your school (and parents) about these things and get something more manageable in place. Don’t let anybody give you push back, even yourself. You don’t have to and do not deserve to suffer through no sleep and so much stress that you’re physically ill.

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Hi Ash,

Thanks so much for reaching out. We responded to your message live on stream which you can see here: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/494424761

Much Love

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