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Disowned Sister and More PTSD (Sorry...Long Post)

I see my therapist tomorrow, but sharing here helps me as well. So the past couple of months had been no good for me. First, I was out of work for two months and denied unemployment. My ten year old had COVID and the 14 day quarantine was tedious. My three year old broke his femur and that four weeks was exhausting trying to work and take care of him. Then one of my grandmothers passed and I could not go to her funeral in Georgia, but we had a memorial here in Ohio.

For my mom’s birthday (November 10th) I took her, my step dad, my oldest son, my sister, and her oldest son to Philadelphia and Atlantic City. Unfortunately I was irritable and miserable because of my PMDD, but what occurred during the trip and even more so on the way home is what has saddened me. My sister is an alcoholic and refuses medication for her mental health. She was paranoid most of the trip and argumentative. Well the day we were supposed to leave she said some nasty things to my grandmother (who’s home we stayed in for a night) and then started an argument with me.

She said we would leave when she was ready so I was ready to leave her in Philly (my grandmother would have brought her home), but my mom asked me to be the mature one and ignore her. When I made that threat she got in the car but her cup was full of alcohol. She then started messing with me while I was driving and risked the lives of everyone in the car. She kept pulling on my seat belt (around my neck) and seat. She also made attempts to put my hoodie over my head/face. Eventually we stopped and my dad took over driving and I went to the back of the van with my son.

She messed with me while I was back there as well and even messed with my son, but because no one would feed into her BS, she started playing signifying music and being loud on the phone. She even cussed out her fiance and talked shit about my parents. Once we got back home in Ohio, my dad went straight to her house to drop her off because he was pissed. She had gotten mad about this (because she didn’t want to go home), threw her stuff and her son’s stuff into the lawn, screamed and shouted at all of us, and stole my mom and my alcohol (closed bottles) from the car. When my dad started pulling off, she put her trashcan behind the car and tried to jump in front of the car as he sped off.

After all she had done, including making the children, my mom, and myself cry, I’ve decided I want nothing to do with her. I have blocked her on social media and her calls and text. I refuse to help her anymore and be her enabler. I’m already dealing with so many of my own problems, including my relapse that I refuse to address at the moment. Disowning my sister feels just as painful as my grandmother’s death, but I cannot trust someone who attempted to kill me and possibly killing everyone else in the car just because she’s a drunk and paranoid. I didn’t even judge her about her drinking or her problems in her home, but she took it too far and she thinks it’s okay and that she’s right for what she did.

She started the argument with me for shaking my head and I was shaking my head because I had just been in a argument through text with my boyfriend. I told her this and she still made it about her. And for me to find out later from my mom that she was jealous that my boyfriend sent me money when I asked. Now I can’t drive without it feeling like someone is pulling on my seat and seat belt even when I am alone in the car. I can’t stop feeling sad and hurt after all unfortunate events. I am having nightmares and intimacy issues because it’s almost the anniversary of my sexual assault. I feel like I cannot sleep with my boyfriend unless I am tipsy or drunk. When I am not that way I feel awkward or I reject him whether I am asleep or awake. What makes me feel worse is that this is something that has to be fixed without medication or talking about it to my therapist.

I just am so mixed up right now because I am happy and heartbroken all in one swing.

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From: twixremix (Discord)

hey my friend, it’s really good to hear from you after connecting with you about how your kids are doing a month back here on the wall and how you feel as a parent. i’m so sorry that you have found yourself in this situation with your sister. however, i am very proud of you for setting that boundary by disowning her. my hope is that this reality can help her realize the harm she’s putting her family in by her actions. the disowning is painful but necessary and i hope with everything i got that she will find the help she needs and can return back to your life once she’s better. when it comes to the things you write about in your last paragraph, i am sending you so much love and comfort as you recover from this family trip, the passing of your grandma, and the anniversary of your sexual assault. you have a lot going on right now and would love it if you could make some time to care for yourself whether it be self-care routines or talking through things with a loved one or therapist. and as always, your HS community is always here for you. wishing you an incredible and calm week ahead, my friend, and i’m sending all my best to you and your family. love, twix

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Hello again @grandmastrqueen

I know this year has been exceptional for you in it’s crumminess. I just want to tell you I appreciate just the incredible levels of willpower it must take to have gotten through so many traumatic events recently.

I want to tell you so many things, but I don’t know where to start, I don’t want to overwhelm you tonight, as this isn’t about me, it’s about you.

What are you doing to cope lately? Besides alcohol, I see you mentioned therapist at the end here. Is there a reason to not discuss these things with them and find ways to get through the trauma from that car ride and other events? I think your reactions are completely warranted with the car and partner struggles.

Reading through your post it’s like you are taking care of others and worrying about others. What are you doing for yourself? It’s ok to be selfish sometimes. Especially for your own health and wellbeing.

Sorry if this is a bit rambling, I’ve considered a lot of things to say and hoping what I’m saying relays what I mean in my heart. Just hope you know there are people here who want your happiness and health to matter as much to you as other people matter to you.

With care <3/Mish

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From: eloquentpetrichor (Discord)

Hello, grandmastrqueen! I’m sorry for the mess of a family vacation you experienced. That sounds like a nightmare on the level of a movie. I think taking a step back from your family and especially your sister is a good idea for you at this point in your life. It sounds like it is doing nothing but hurting you and I’m glad you are able to recognise that and put yourself above any feelings of familial obligation. That can be so difficult but so important. We cannot help others if we do not care for ourselves first. :hrtlegolove: And I’m glad you have a therapist and you feel able to talk to them about this stuff but I am curious about something you mention. At the end you say that “this is something that has to be fixed without medication or talking about it to my therapist”. Why do you feel like you cannot talk to your therapist about your intimacy issue with your boyfriend? If I’m reading that correctly, of course, and if not I apologise for my confusion. But if I am reading it correctly then I’m very curious why you feel this way. Your therapist is there to talk to and to be on your side and help you through all of your struggles. So I hope you are able to talk to them about your intimacy issue so they can try helping you. I wish you all the best and I hope you take care of yourself. Keep on keeping on :hrtlegolove:

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From: Lisalovesfeathers (Discord)

Hi Friend, Hello again and thank you for your post. Goodness me you have been through such a lot recently havent you? I am so sorry it has been such a difficult time, you must be mentally and physically exhausted. It sounds like your sister has her own issues and needs to work on them in her own way and in her own time and right now I dont think its fair for you to take on any responsability for her, especially when you clearly have lots of your own things to manage. I think the way she behaved on your trip was very wrong and although you feel bad I think distancing yourself from her at the moment is the right thing, it doesnt have to be forever but maybe for now. It seems like you need to take time for yourself, you speak of ongoing things from your past that you are still trying to deal with. Take this time to focus on that, spend time with your son and the people that make you happy not people that make you cry and one day maybe you can sit down with your sister and talk to her about having a relationship with her on better terms than she is offering right now. I wish you well friend. Take care. Much Love Lisa.

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