Disrespected and Embarassed

Just ranting a little here because I love and trust you guys! So I went to an Ozzy and Stone Sour concert during the summer with my boyfriend. Personally, I dislike drugs and alcohol. He used to smoke pot, but “doesn’t anymore.” But has lied to me about doing it saying he quit before. Anyways, we’re at this concert and I’m super excited about Stone Sour (huge Corey Taylor fan) and he’s next to me and starts talking to this guy next to us. I’m not paying full attention to my boyfriend, but I glanced over when I went to punch his arm excitedly during a song, and my heart just kind of broke. The guy had let him smoke a blunt with him, and I just stood there in disbelief. First of all, he was right next to me doing it… he knew how much that upset me and to do it right there as if I don’t matter and am a complete idiot? Second, in my opinion that’s really dangerous because people can lace anything. It’s a complete stranger, what are you doing? (I’m not trying to bash anyone, like live your life the way you want, as long as you’re not hurting yourself or the people around you. This is just my opinion.)
However, I idiotically didn’t say ANYTHING about it. I pulled him away from that guy and told him to not talk to strangers, (I know I sound like a dumb mom) and tried to enjoy the concert. I wasn’t exactly sure if it was pot, I thought well maybe it’s just a cigarette and I’m imagining things. I only saw it for a second so I wasn’t exactly sure. Which is really embarrassing because I should’ve known and asked but I didn’t want to look stupid, plus I knew either way he would try to lie his way out of it.
Yesterday, we went to the park and were on the swings talking. He said that at the concert he did smoke pot with that guy. So it was confirmed, I wasn’t completely blind after all. I feel so ashamed of myself for not knowing and not confronting him, I should’ve seen it coming. I’m awful at talking about things that could potentionally cause an argument or hurt feelings. I attempted to express my concern and hurt on the swings yesterday, but didn’t dwelve into HOW much it hurts me. I want to, but I’m very scared. Maybe I should write a letter to him if I’m too scared to say it out loud yet, I’m just not sure. I’m sorry if I offended anyone reading this. I just wanted to put my feelings out there.

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Hi friend, thanks for reaching out.

The best thing to do in this kind of situations is to talk. Talk about the issue with your boyfriend, even if it’s scary or if it could cause an argument. This applies to this case, but also to all the future issues and discussion you’re definitely going to have in the future.

I hope the gig was good anyway, you got to see Ozzy live!

pioggia :sunflower:

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Thanks, yeah it was awesome!

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Hi PikachuNerd,

I think you are in the right and should not feel embarrassment. I guess he knows that you are a huge fan, and that you planned this event together. This is one of the moments where you want to show and participate together in something that you enjoy (maybe he enjoys it too), and you were excited about it. By doing what he did he cut of the participation, and maybe you felt as though you were not there together anymore, rather that you were both there alone in a way.
I would feel that way myself. It is disappointing when you want to be with someone or show someone something at an event but they do not turn up as promised. I don’t think you offend anyone.

In these cases it can be hard to read one another, because how much you were hurt is subjective. He might not have thought anything about it himself; it could be because he does not enjoy concerts as much as you, or maybe it’s just “any band” for him. But it does in no way mean that your hurt is less real; only that you do not work in the exact same way. That is why it is important to talk about it, and use words. You should tell him what you feel and give him a chance to understand so he can be better next time.

If you are scared of having an argument, you can also tell him that. That you are scared of having an argument because it might hurt his feelings, or maybe that not knowing where it can end up is scary, or maybe something else. This will help him understand your intention of bringing it up, and you will both better know before you start to where you want to steer the conversation, hopefully with more understanding.

I hope it works out for you!

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Thank you so much. That means the world to me, I will. :heart:

Hey there Pikachu!

Im hoping youre pulling forward from this. I think there are a lot of things to dissect from this - but at the end of the day, please try to respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself. I think you guys need to have a serious talk about why it bothers you and why he continues to smoke.

Here is what chat and I thought. I hope we help. You’re not alone here.


Thank you so much!! It means so much to me that you guys responded!!