Man, sounds like you have a lot of heavy emotions and stress weighing down on you right now. And I’m so sorry that you are struggling. I know that when things get feeling so heavy it can be so easy to just detach. A safety and defense mechanism of our own mind. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to have panic attacks in the workplace or driving. As someone who has severe anxiety and prone to anxiety/panic attacks unless medicated, I know how stressful and on edge it can keep you when you’re stressed and in a place that lacks a space that feels safe. To recollect.
I can only imagine how challenging it must be to feel so strangered to your own spouse and child. To feel so overwhelmed that you lose touch with that. While I cannot relate to that specific thing, what I can relate to is the daily anxiety, the daily panic, the daily feelings of hopelessness. Feeling detached from yourself. I can relate to that on so many levels. I was just telling my partner and best friend last night how terrified I am because I can feel myself slipping. I can feel my mental health deteriorating. I fear losing touch with myself and my mind. I have felt so beside myself and I don’t always know how to explain what I mean by that and how to put into words what is happening. I know I may not know exactly what you are going through and feeling. But I can feel parts of what you express deeply.
This whole corona thing, yes. Just adds a whole other layer of stress and worry on top of what already exists. It’s scary. And it’s impacting so many lives in such a big way. People losing jobs, held from traveling, struggling to get basic needs.
Friend, I know that things feel so hopeless right now, but things can get better. There is light in all of this darkness. You have a boyfriend and daughter that Im sure loves you so much. Sometimes in my journey of healing, I feel like Im going to get worse before better. I see how many layers of pain and hurt that I have to get through before I reach the place I want, and it can feel so discouraging.
You are among friends. You are among a community that is family. Where you are a part of that family. You are in a place where you can share as much of your heart that you need to. I know that we can’t resolve all of the burdens that you may carry, but we can encourage you and offer you understanding.
I’m going to leave you with a few links okay?
Discord: If you aren’t already in it, a great place to connect to other people who can relate. Were a community where we are all hurting and supporting one another through our different journeys. https://discord.gg/f4Vumq
https://heartsupport.com/resources/ There are some great resources that you can take advantage of here. Including books for depression and self harm. And some online counseling where there is a 7 day free trial to use.
Stay strong friend. Thinking of you.