Follow up to my previous:
8 years gone like it was all a waste. I’m alone in the house we bought together. It’s hauntingly empty especially now that COVID has taken over.
The divorce is processing and I am sick over it. I don’t want it, but I cannot stop any of it. Im not enough for her anymore, and I never will be. All I can do is keep myself busy and then drink myself to sleep. Nobody gets it, and my friends have their own messes to tend to.
I don’t know what to do anymore except pray for a quick ending to this process so that I can attempt to be on my own again.
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It was not a waste, Lost. Those eight years happened for both you and your ex-wife. You are both forever changed by the time you were together. The memories, both the bad and the good, will remain and affect you both for the rest of your lives.
My heart goes out to you, Lost. The end of a relationship is hard enough without the world ending outside (pardon my dramatic flair). I know how relentlessly lonesome it feels… When my heart was broken, I somehow managed through it by getting out of the house and pouring my energies and focus into volunteering, making new friends, and taking long walks… With COVID going on, it’s not really feasible to physically go hang out with people. I can’t even imagine how caged you must feel right now. Even with new friends, hobbies and activities, it took years for me process all the grief of my love leaving me. When I had to be alone, when it was time for bed and I was left with only my thoughts, it hurt so bad. All I could do was cry and whimper and wonder “why” and “what if.”
Change is hard… Excruciatingly hard. Particularly when the change is not your decision. You are grieving, and that is normal. It’s okay to hurt, to be sad, to be angry. It’s part of the healing process, and unfortunately, there’s no way to speed through it. It takes as long as it takes, but eventually you will heal. It sounds like you already know that. Stay strong, friend. 