Do i just kill myself?

My family is not close at all only me with my two other siblings who are way older than me, but anyways my parents have been driving me insane for years and i think i have finally had it i realized things are not ever gonna get better with my family or friends or anyone so why be here? i mean every relationship i have is gonna end at some point. I always have constant anxiety attacks and i do self harm cuz i just have to escape my head. My parents are so strict i can’t talk to boys or even look at them i can’t email people or talk to certain people my moms doesn’t let me talk to some girls to just cuz of the way they look or talk. i just can’t live under this pressure of doing everything right.
Things aren’t gonna get better no matter what people say and i know that i can never tell my parents any of this cuz they would take my things and ground me or hit me
and that would make me more sad
I already promised myself that if things don’t get better ima kill myself
i need help and i need advice ik people are here for me but i need actual advice. i don’t know what to do anymore i think the best option for every one is just to leave cuz i will never be enough for my parents
i am consumed by hate for my parents which i don’t really wanna have but i can’t let it go

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Hey Sandia,

I appreciate your honesty and want to say things WILL get better. You say that your family isn’t close and they’re strict about who you talk to based on their looks. I’m sorry to hear this.

I would HIGHLY recommend finding a different situation as soon as possible to get you out of this toxic place. If you’re under 18 I’m sure you can talk to someone through your school to organize a talk either through a call or a face to face (call more likely with the current situation).If youre having suicidal thoughts, PLEASE let someone you trust know,. If you don’t think you should share with someone IRL, please go to https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ and talk to someone. Your life is valuable, you have a story only YOU can tell! Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. PLEASE reach out and let someone know, if you think you should, be sure to communicate your feelings to your parents, be sure they know how their actions are affecting yo. Theres a chance they’ll listen and change. If not, then just hold on, because life is about how you keep moving, and you my friend have a long time to keep moving forward!

Please don’t end your life, you’re going to do great in the world.

Hold Fast,

J

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Thank you for your response

Damn there is so much info here idk where to begin.
Sandia you are trapped in a cycle of negativity in your home. If you can’t count with your own parents to help you then you should leave. There are some places and some people we need to get away from to progress.
But that depends too on your age and what are your possibilities out there in the world, so please be rational.
There is a great psychologist in youtube, he provides amazing information, look him up, is Alan Robarge. What he shares is gonna give you a lot of insight so you can begin to heal yourself bit by bit.

I am 15 and they won’t let me out of the house not even to be with friends because they don’t trust me and never have. I wanna just leave but i know i can’t and it’s making me feel worse.
and thanks i will check him out