Do i like him or want to be his friend?

[sakurasangel]

I’ve always had struggles with my emotions/feelings and understanding them, and now is no different.

I recently moved and I have properly met (ie had a conversation with) 4 people now- one of which is my age. To protect his identity, I’m just going to call him Ned.

Anyways, Ned is really nice and funny. He also likes to play DND!! I want to talk to him more, just one on one (2 of the other people I met are his parents… my mom is friends with them lol). So it’s normally all of us. So I want to get to know him.

He isn’t what I would expect as “my type;” I’m really into kpop, so… I like skinny/muscular men. He is skinny and I would think in shape. But he is nice and funny.

I can’t tell if I just want to get to know him or have a crush on him. It really bothers me?

Like, normally I get to know people more before having a crush on them, but my mom talked a lot about him and his family before I moved here (she moved here before our apartment was ready). So I almost feel like I know him, but not as much as I would like to!

Anyways, one thing that really surprised me was that when he found out I like DND too, he asked whoever is his DM if I could join. So on Saturday, we will be making our characters (the party will be) and maybe having a first session to see if I “fit.” I really hope I fit!! Ned and I have been texting some about DND, and I’m super excited! Also nervous to spend time with just him and meet more new people, but I feel like that’s a given?

Anyways, maybe I shouldn’t focus too much on if it’s just that I like him or “like like” him? But I am. I do tend to overthink things. Maybe I am.

Then what if he likes me? I mean, I am pretty decent looking LOL. I have been told I intimidate men (sometimes that makes me feel good but not at others). So I would rather not do that- I want friends! I know some people barely know a person and are like CRUSH.

Another piece is that it generally takes me longer to open up and befriend men because of past trauma and abuse. I have been doing EMDR which has really helped, and I’m wondering if it’s helping me in this instance to be comfortable befriending him (and maybe liking him) more quickly than previously? Or it could be I’ve made more guy friends in the past few years and one of my best friends is a guy?

I don’t know. if you read all of this ramble, I appreciate it. And I seriously appreciate any comments, feedback, and just help TT

P.S. I should be getting my betta soon, and I landed a job interview after an impromptu phone interview!

[Efa117]

That sounds awesome and sounds like the plans you have will give more insight on understanding how you feel. Moving can be so scary so it’s cool at a minimum he sounds like he could be a great friend but maybe more than that. So much of what your saying are things I can relate to especially the over thinking! My only advice is if possible just be in the moment and try not to overthink in the moment. That’s something I struggle with a ton but when we’re able to ignore the narrator in our minds we tend to have more fun with those we’re with in my opinion.

[urnotalone]

If you’re unsure, take the time to get to know him and see what he’s like. Sometimes it can take time to sort your feelings out. When it comes to “type”, some of the best relationships come from other types of connections, so if you two have a lot in common and get along, and things progress, I wouldn’t overthink things as far as him not being your “type”. And like the other person who commented here said, be in the moment. From experience I know it can be hard to ignore your thoughts but typically when I’m with someone I like and I’m in my head, I end up getting nervous and embarrassing myself. Just get to know him and see how you feel and go from there. Best of luck!

[Micro]

Hey @sakurasangel,

It’s okay to ask yourself all of these questions! Overthinking is a reality for many of us. And with what you’ve shared about your past traumas as well, I’d say that it makes even more sense that you ask yourself those questions while learning to know someone who has the same gender as those who had hurt you before. It’s like entering new territories and learning to be more comfortable again with the presence of some people.

Knowing how you feel about him is probably going to be a process. As our friends said: take the time to get to know him better, first. The DND meeting is going to be a wonderful opportunity for that, and I hope it’s going to be the beginning of a wonderful friendship (or more) for both of you. The more you will get to know him, the more your feelings will become obvious to you, one way or another. You’ll approach and embrace more and more subtelties in your relationship and what is going to make it unique. Be curious, be yourself, and enjoy the moments spent with him without pressuring yourself too much. You got this!