I’ve always had struggles with my emotions/feelings and understanding them, and now is no different.
I recently moved and I have properly met (ie had a conversation with) 4 people now- one of which is my age. To protect his identity, I’m just going to call him Ned.
Anyways, Ned is really nice and funny. He also likes to play DND!! I want to talk to him more, just one on one (2 of the other people I met are his parents… my mom is friends with them lol). So it’s normally all of us. So I want to get to know him.
He isn’t what I would expect as “my type;” I’m really into kpop, so… I like skinny/muscular men. He is skinny and I would think in shape. But he is nice and funny.
I can’t tell if I just want to get to know him or have a crush on him. It really bothers me?
Like, normally I get to know people more before having a crush on them, but my mom talked a lot about him and his family before I moved here (she moved here before our apartment was ready). So I almost feel like I know him, but not as much as I would like to!
Anyways, one thing that really surprised me was that when he found out I like DND too, he asked whoever is his DM if I could join. So on Saturday, we will be making our characters (the party will be) and maybe having a first session to see if I “fit.” I really hope I fit!! Ned and I have been texting some about DND, and I’m super excited! Also nervous to spend time with just him and meet more new people, but I feel like that’s a given?
Anyways, maybe I shouldn’t focus too much on if it’s just that I like him or “like like” him? But I am. I do tend to overthink things. Maybe I am.
Then what if he likes me? I mean, I am pretty decent looking LOL. I have been told I intimidate men (sometimes that makes me feel good but not at others). So I would rather not do that- I want friends! I know some people barely know a person and are like CRUSH.
Another piece is that it generally takes me longer to open up and befriend men because of past trauma and abuse. I have been doing EMDR which has really helped, and I’m wondering if it’s helping me in this instance to be comfortable befriending him (and maybe liking him) more quickly than previously? Or it could be I’ve made more guy friends in the past few years and one of my best friends is a guy?
I don’t know. if you read all of this ramble, I appreciate it. And I seriously appreciate any comments, feedback, and just help TT
P.S. I should be getting my betta soon, and I landed a job interview after an impromptu phone interview!