Do my parents want me gone?

First I just want to apologize for making another post on the support wall, especially since I’ve been super inactive the last week or two, as I’ve tried to slowly start working out the craziness of my life and the bottled up emotions in my head from the past 21 years.

But here’s one I’m having trouble working through, so here goes nothing. My parents divorced when I was three, and both my mom and dad got remarried. My dad got custody of both my older sister and I. Well the women he married, i fell in love with (as a mother figure). They’ve been together for quite some time, and she cared about us. As a side note my mom pretty well abandoned my sister and I after the divorce, and chose drugs.

But anyways fast forward to when I was sixteen, I was depressed anxious and well didn’t want to be alive anymore. It wasn’t the first time I felt suicidial but it was the first time I had a plan to end it. I went to tell my stepmom I was suicidal and didn’t want to live anymore, and I was met with a slap across the face, and was told I was selfish. That is something that burns deep inside my soul to this day.

Fast forward about 8-12 months later, my dad walks in and finds me in my closet with a belt around my neck. And well I end up going to the hospital, and my parents tell the doctors that I was just doing it for attention and that they don’t need to keep me (which wasn’t the case). But here’s where the issue lies, every time my stepmom and I get into a fight she always says, “why don’t you go wrap a belt around your neck again”. And it destroys me, and I just don’t know how much longer I can take those words. What do I do? Why does she say such hurtful things. Then she wonders why and yells at me for never opening up to her. And that’s why.

Once again sorry for making another post on the support wall. Love you guys!

Hold Fast. You’re Worth It,

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@Monkey ,

You are loved, I may have gotten you annoyed with me in the beginning in a discord and I’m sorry about that . Divorce is such a hard topic . My parents divorced back in 2010 when I was 10 and my sister was 7 . Both me and her are 18 and 15 now . I know how it is with the suicidal thoughts back in May I started to hang myself but I stopped . Just know you are not alone . Thank you for posting I am here to listen . I know it is hard to move on or even forget what happened in the past . Trust me I remember some “tragic” events in my life from getting hit by my grandmother with socks and being grabbed by an adult male and my father (physically). Some times parents don’t mean those things . They may be hurting inside to . Have you and your step mom tried counseling ? If so has it help? And I’m so sorry your biological mom has abandoned you . No matter what we will be your family , we will be your light , and we will be here to guide you through the darkness of the path . Just know no matter what , we will be here for you monkey !

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I’m sorry for what you are going through. I’ve been there. Your parents don’t understand. You guys aren’t mind readers. They look at it as a sign of attention and in a way it was. You were seeking for help. They should be thankful that they caught you when it happened.
You shouldn’t be mad of how they helped you. They helped you the best way they knew how.
I’m sorry your mother keeps flying the fact that you tried to kill yourself. Women are harsh sometimes (not to say men can’t be) and she is showing her frustration because in a way you hurt the one she loves, your father. I’m pretty sure even if he doesn’t show it that your Father was affected by the fact you tried to kill yourself.
I think you guys should talk about this. You guys need closure. Your stepmother needs to stop bringing this tender issue as something to hold against you because it won’t resolve any issues just add to them.

I think asking WHY she does something is a counterproductive question because you’re not really looking for that answer.

The answer to that question is that she’s broken, just like you and me. And broken people suck sometimes.

But what you’re really asking is, Why can’t I just be loved? Why can’t the people that are supposed to love me and support me do that?! What’s wrong with me?!

And those questions aren’t actually the right questions either.

You know why?

Because the TRUTH is, you ARE loved. And some of the people that are supposed to love and support you have a hard time showing that because THEY are selfish. But that’s not the greatest point of all this either. You have people in your life right now that love and support you, and you shut them and their love out because you believe that you’re not worthy of love. And that’s not fair to them, but more importantly, it’s not fair to YOU. Because you ARE loved, olivia! You ARE loved. You are wildly loved. And it’s important you see that. It’s not that the lack of love from your parents doesn’t matter, but it isn’t the only piece of your story now. You are loved, dear friend. You are important. You are worthy. This is true for you.