I’m 18 and somewhat overweight. I weigh 100kg (220lbs) and my height is 189cm (6 feet 2). I’m not an ass, I don’t smell and I don’t talk weird (I believe so). But no one seems to like me. Not that anyone had ever been shitty towards me, but no one ever really wanted to get close with me (friend-wise and romatically.) The time when it all struck me was during my hs graduation gallery ppt thing. No one had any reaction to the photos and memories they had of me and my parents. I get it, I wasn’t the most popular guy in school, but receiving no reaction at all was disappointing and sad to witness. There were a girl or two who got a little close with me, but I feel like they were messing with me or something (maybe I’m a little paranoid). Both of them eventually ended up not replying to my texts anymore. I don’t think I had said or done anything particularly out of line or offensive. I also wasn’t the kid with the highest GPA (everyone ese were straight A students). Everyone else knew what they were doing, if they had bad grades for an assessment or two they had valid and practical reasons. I never did. Everything in my middle and high school life made me feel like I’m a total failed fatkid who doesn’t even know how to lose weight despite not spending all that much time on academics. So I’m fat and a failure. What can I do to do better? I spend a lot of energy each day (given my height and weight) so I can’t do extreme diets, but I also don’t even eat junk food. I wanted to lose weight through boxing (the only sport I enjoy) but I get sick constantly during holidays and have absolutely no time during school days. And I tend to push male friends away once we get a little close for some unknown reason. Of course I like to have close friends but my subconscious always finds a way to stop me from getting them. And generally I just feel like no one gives a crap about me and never will. All that “hype” about the concept of love and conpanionship and romantic relationships are as unreal as MARVEL to me.
Hey nameless,
I hear you. Usually, I’m not keen to negate things people post here, but I want to be very clear about this one thing. You are not a failure. I honestly think you just haven’t found “your people” yet. While it might be frustrating and lonely, it is normal. You are not alone. So, keep your head and hang in there.
If boxing is something you like, stick with it. Maybe there are gyms near you where you can train, meet new people, get coaching/advice (to help with the times you get sick and to help build a schedule around your life), and build up your confidence.
Thank you for posting. It’s really awesome of you to open up and share the things you’re struggling with. Your people are out there. You might even know them already and you just haven’t realized it yet. You got this, nameless, and we got you here!
Cheers,
Satty
Hi Nameless,
I would firstly like to reiterate what @satty22 has said, you are by no means a failure, not even a little. What you are though is incredibly hard on yourself and part of me understands that to a degree and the other part so desperately wants you to see that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you at all that it is hard to say that.
There are a couple of things that came to mind whilst reading your post, firstly of course it is very easy for us to say that you are cool and superb etc but unless you believe it your feelings will not change and ultimately you need your them to be heard because you have a voice.
I have grown up with weight issues all of my life and the thoughts you have expressed have gone through my head more than once during my life, it is very difficult to deal with, as you say, you don’t sound like you have too much weight issue and if you could get into a gym or even pick up a boxing bag and some gloves to have at home it would be a wonderful way to start toning up, I think it would soon have the desired effect, you are young and your body is still very much ready to be devolped into what you want it to be, it would be a start on the journey to what you want to do. I imagine that is something you build towards rather than jump straight in, hopefully if you build strength in a healthy way both inside and out you may find you dont get sick in the holidays as much. (just a thought)
One think I would say to you is I am glad you cant do extreme diets because they are so unhealthy and if you want to do a sport you want your body at its best, extreme dieting will deplete your body of any goodness it is meant to hold, See if you can find a boxing forum or site and ask around and see how they started out, ask what their diet was like in the beginning etc, try and find that healthy middle ground. I have real faith in you.
Reading your post what broke my heart the most is I think your biggest mountain to climb is you, I think you have such a bad opinion of yourself for whatever reason, whether it is from circumstances or experience that it has allowed you to close yourself off from others, to distrust others and to believe that you are unloveable. I have been in that place myself, it is not a good place to be and it prevents anyone getting close. I used to chase people off just incase they were going to do it to me, I got there first. That makes for a lonely life friend and you deserve so much more than that. That is not who you are of that I am certain.
In answer to the post question, some people find fat people completely unattractive yes and some find people with glasses unattractive, some with big noses, some with cross eyes and even some that dont have the right hair colour, some people are just like that, they are just plain superficial and its a shame but there are many very normal nice people out here that will like, love, care and want to spend time with you because you are you and you make them laugh, you enjoy the same things or they just want to be in your company but if you keep pushing them away friend you will never get the chance to find them. I think you sound like a really nice person, you may not believe me but I have just spent a long time answering your post so I must think you are worth it. I learned to give people a chance and I would love you to do the same, life is short unless you are unhappy and I dont want that for you.
Be the amazing person you are and show people what you are made of, I honeslty have faith in you and would love and update at some point if you get chance. I really do care. Lisa. x
Thank you guys! I actually didn’t expect anyone to actually reply lol. I guess you’re right, my weight isn’t a huge issue yet, and there are ways to solve it. I hope I’ll like myself better then! I truly appreciate your responses!!
Hey!!
I remember feeling like I had stepped into a void after graduating from High School. Looking back (and it’s been a while), I was feeling closure for the first time in my life. It took me almost ten years to decide on a direction for my life. Sometimes, the process seems slow, but if you are willing to take small steps and celebrate the small victories, you’ll find yourself on your path. Keep taking one step at a time.
You got this!
“We all need small sparks, small accomplishments in our lives to fuel the big ones. Think of your small accomplishments as kindling. When you want a bonfire, you don’t start by lighting a big log. You collect some witch’s hair—a small pile of hay or some dry, dead grass. You light that, and then add small sticks and bigger sticks before you feed your tree stump into the blaze. Because it’s the small sparks, which start small fires, that eventually build enough heat to burn the whole fucking forest down.”
― David Goggins, Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds