Does my mental health decrease my value in society or as a person

[HalloweenMaskMaker]

Hey folks

Sorry for all of the deep questions recently, I’ve been struggling with a lot and haven’t ever felt comfortable telling it to therapists or councilors, at least not to their full extent. I often feel like my questions or concerns are dumb and unrealistic, or they sound like I am gripping for attention. Sometimes I convince myself the only reason I do anything is for attention, even though I’m aware I do have serious issues. It’s a tough battle, but that’s not what I’m talking about.

So I’ve had this thought for a while, especially after I was diagnosed with autism (even though I am very high functioning) that I am worth less because of my mental hinderings. Why should I be hired or cared for if there is another person who can do it 2 times as fast without complaining or needing special things to get me by. Why should I have friends if all I do is worry about things and become an emotional stresser. Hell I’ve felt like I’ve stressed my therapists out before by being obnoxious. I have this really stupid idea in my head that everybody has a numerical value, but the thing is I never apply it to anyone except myself or people who are better than me. The people who are higher than me have a higher numerical value, which indicates a lack of mental health issues, wide rage of skills including both emotional/relationship skills and also business and work skills. But I am a lower numerical value than those people, because I require more matinence per say. I have too many things that overwhelm me, too many things that stop me from being productive. Too many things that make me worse than the guy who is above me.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I feel like I am worth nothing, and every day I fight with the idea that my value is pre determined and my fate has sealed itself because of my number. Even though it is a theoretical metaphor of sorts in my head, it feels very real to me, and it hurts.

Thank you for your support on my posts. I try to give in depth dialog, and I hope that my ramblings are comprehensible.

[Sita]

The fact that you only apply this number sequence to yourself and those percevied higher indicates to me that it is a tool more to make you feel bad about yourself than to legitimately find your place in the world. If you were to rank someone as lower that you, would this make you feel bad for viewing someone as “less than” yourself?

This is how I see it. We all have something going on with us, ranging from mental health diagnoses, physical diagnoses, social difficulties, and a host of other moments in our lives where we feel others are better than us and it doesn’t even make sense to try! At work, at school, on the track or playground, there’s gonna be someone more skilled and talented out there. Someday we might be the one who is the top of the tier, and people will use to judge themselves. But this doesn’t change OUR VALUE.

There is a reason for your existence. You were not a mistake. Your mental health does not make you lesser. In face, if you read the bit i copied below, you can see how perceiving the world in a slightly different perspective can lead to amazing and beautiful works of art.

so go be your work of art, find that thing that you can do that the rest of us needs you to do - even if it being someone’s friend, taking care of a pet, spending time with your friends and family. There’s a role that is just yours, it doesn’t matter if it’s big or little, it’s impactful
ps: keep the deep questions coming! This is a great way to get to know each other and know how to support you better!

Edvard Munch (1863-1944)

Norwegian artist Edvard Munch suffered from anxiety and hallucinations. The painter created his most famous image, The Scream, after it came to him when he was out for a walk at sunset on a fjord overlooking Oslo. He wrote that as the sun began to set, it suddenly turned the sky a blood red. “I stood there trembling with anxiety and I sensed an endless scream passing through nature.” The painting is thought to represent human anxiety in the modern world, which Munch experienced throughout his life.

Edvard Munch, The Scream, 1910. Munch Museum, Oslo, Norway.

Mental illness ran in Munch’s family. His grandfather suffered from depression and his aunt was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Munch’s childhood was marked by loss, as his mother and one of his sisters died of tuberculosis, and one of his sisters was diagnosed with mental illness. In December 1889, after Munch’s father died, leaving the family destitute, Munch assumed financial responsibility for his family, though he was deeply saddened by the loss of his father. (Prideaux, Sue. Edvard Munch: Behind the Scream. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 2005.)

In the autumn of 1908 his anxiety, compounded by heavy drinking, became acute, and he experienced hallucinations and feelings of persecution. He entered a clinic for treatment and after eight months emerged in better health. He saw his mental illness as an important motivation for his art. He wrote in his diary: “My fear of life is necessary to me, as is my illness. They are indistinguishable from me, and their destruction would destroy my art.” Munch died of natural causes in his house near Oslo on 23 January 1944, about a month after his 80th birthday. His artistic temperament and talent brought him success and eventually peace, and greatly benefitted the world of art.

source: 6 Famous Artists Who Struggled with Mental Illness - 1000Museums

[GlassHeart]

I say your ramblings are very clear and well structured, Halloween . You are definitely not lower-quality for having a mental disorder! I know this has been said many times over but each of us has our own set of special skills that will help us contribute to the world, and these skills aren’t numbed or muted by disorders or mental problems. You are not worth northing, and your fate/future is 100% not set in stone. Some people believe we can change our future and some believe it’s been set for us - but the thing is, I believe that the future can be altered to be good. Nobody has to be subjected to bad things forever.
Like Sita said, our disorders do not change our value.

[ManekiNeko]

@HalloweenMaskMaker

Why should I be hired or cared for if there is another person who can do it 2 times as fast without complaining or needing special things to get me by

I know someone who works with this person who can be described as a bit of a slower worker. This person sometimes gets a bit of flack for missing a joke or two. BUT the person I know always says that even though it might take him a little longer to fix a problem, they would always trust them 100% because you always knew that if he fixed it, it wasn’t going to break again any time soon. He was so incredibly thorough at his work.
It’s not always the quickest one off the mark that ends up impressing anyone or doing the job correctly.

As for feeling like mental health issues make you have less value, here’s another scenario to think about.
Let’s say you have two kids. Both kids have trouble reading and after some investigating the findings are that one child has dyslexia while the other child is in need of reading glasses because they’re far sighted.
The child with dyslexia might also need glasses and a bit more assistance and insight to figure out what works best for them, but would you say that they’re less than value of the other child? And would you say that the other child’s problems aren’t to be taken seriously because it was easier to resolve?

Mental health issues come in such a huge and wide variety and sometimes even people with the same struggles may not heal and cope and respond to help in the same way. Doesn’t mean that the person who isn’t responding as well is less value, it means they need a different solution. It’s hard to place a number in peoples struggles because it’s still something that’s real and hurtful. If you sprained your ankle and we’re in so much pain, the last thing you’d want to hear is “wow you’re so much better than that guy who is having a heart attack”.
We may perceive people to be struggling less and think how much better they are than us, but our values don’t lie on whether or not we have burdens to bear. Those with struggles and burdens deserve the support and help they need to make things more manageable. Whether it be one person needing a mental health day off of work or someone else needing specific equipment to enable them to do their job efficiently. Support is not something people should have to earn.
Sorry if that is incredibly hard to read through, my brain is scrambling at this hour!