My aunt is dying, my grandma and her daughter are crying a lot, but I can’t produce a single tear.
Does this mean that I’m a bad heartless person?
5 Likes
By no means. It means you’re processing the events differently. Whether you feel grief in a different way, feel numbed by the whole thing, or are just compartmentalizing and looking at it pragmatically, you are handling what’s happening in your own way. Or maybe you don’t feel grief for any number of reasons. We might have a different conversation if you were mocking their grief, but your lack of tears is not a reflection on your character.
3 Likes
I just felt horrible about it because they were crying and I felt awful for not being able to cry as well. I’m not mocking them for crying at all…
I wasn’t accusing you of mocking them, and if it came off that way I didn’t mean for it to.
I definitely understand that guilty feeling. It’s peer pressure in a way. I’ve been to funerals for old classmates where it seemed like mine were the only dry eyes in the house. I felt like an impassive jerk, but the reality was that I wasn’t close enough to them to feel grief. I didn’t owe them my tears. I also didn’t cry at my grandmother’s funeral. Most people didn’t. She was at peace after years of decline, and she had lived a life worth celebrating. I didn’t feel grief, but that didn’t change the fact that I loved her.
Emotion being the opposite of logical reasoning, emotional responses are irrational by definition. It’s why I once had a meltdown in the grocery store when I dropped a tub of dip, or why people cry at movies, etc etc. In the same way, your lack of emotional demonstration isn’t rational. Rationally, sad event=crying, right? If emotions are irrational though, they manifest in ways that don’t make logical sense. There’s no shame in the unpredictable.
3 Likes
I have schizophrenia, along with autism and I just wasn’t sure if you were or not…
1 Like
You’re without any doubt a good person. Just want to second what SheetMetalHead already said. We process things on a very individual level. Some cry their eyes out, others cannot cry at all, some others cry after a while.
You have a great heart. Whether you (can) cry or not doesn’t define you. I still hope you’re okay and I’m sorry your aunt is dying. Take care of yourself and don’t beat yourself up. You’re loved and you matter. 
1 Like
I know, it’s just difficult and I don’t know what to do about it…
2 Likes
Thoughts are just thoughts, they aren’t facts. You could say ‘hey, it’s interesting why this thought is there, I’m wondering where this is coming from’. There’s no reason to believe it. Only because a thought is there doesn’t mean it is true. There is one thing that I can assure you 100%. If that thought is telling you that you’re a bad person, this thought is never true. Never.
1 Like
From: basicmitch818
I just had a close friend pass last week and I didn’t shed 1 tear for 3 days. I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat, and I didn’t cry. I felt terrible about the fact that I SHOULD be sad. It drove me nuts.
On the fourth day, I cried my eyes out. I cried for three days…but it took me days to even be able to let it out and process it.
I’m sure the fact that you are focusing your energy on caring for others is also taking your attention away from processing your own feelings. Just give yourself time and let yourself feel your feelings…don’t fight them. You got this. Just be patient <:LegoLove:387371584857571328>
3 Likes
Hi SadSchizophrenic
I dont think you are a bad person for not crying. There are many way we can express our grief. Not just crying. Being numb or being angry. There are again many ways. Also even tho you might not feel that right now does not mean that it will not come in a day or two. You just might be too emotionaly tired to cry…
2 Likes
I am numb to a lot of things, I just got used to being numb to so many things now, that I very seldom cry. Except for when my hallucinations and voices are relentless leaving me feeling melancholic and depressed…
2 Likes