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Don't know how to think good of myself

When I found out in my graduating year, last year, that my GPA was too low for grad school, I started feeling worthless. At that point, I felt I only had my music left. I had, and still have, a hard time finding people to jam the music I love with (melodic hardcore, pop punk).

My inability to find people to relate with made me feel like I was useless in all areas of my life. Unable to find or get an interview for work, find people I’m able to connect with, or even lead a band.

I have found work, but I still feel unhappy for some reason. I had been working too much, I started feeling burnout symptoms. At a friend’s show, I was tired and unaware of a laser pointing down towards the crowd and I looked into it. My vision is messed up now.

All this culminated into suicidal thoughts that I still get from time to time. A friend was able to pull me out of it, but I still get them. I feel like I can’t perform my job properly, connect with people, because I’m not good enough as a person. People see that I’m different, and normally dislike me because of it. At least it feels that way.

Having seeing a black dot in both eyes from the laser, I feel like I can’t even see the world around me as others do. Visual art and anime were my escapes before, but now I can’t enjoy those without being reminded that I was stupid enough to look into a laser.

I don’t know how to get better.

2 Likes

Hey, you are not alone. I also don’t have people to jam music that I love with but I’m OK with it now. Music is my secret place. And music brought me closer to God. You are enough. Keep on fighting! Don’t give up! God created you with a purpose. I want to share a video with you. I hope it will help you https://youtu.be/TNpXDDKomT0

Hi friend. Sounds like you have been really struggling. I’m really sorry. I want you to know that you are NOT worthless. At all. I know that it has to be hard to hear stuff like that about your GPA but it doesn’t make you a failure or worthless. Try not to be yourself up too much sweetheart.

Sometimes we fall down and have a hard time getting up but there are all kinds of resources that are available. Do you think maybe any of these things can be of help to you? https://heartsupport.com/resources/

Or maybe therapy? I know some people are afraid to take the step to try therapy but it can be such a nice thing to have. A safe place where you can just put your struggles and have someone help you find a method that could work for you and help you get back on track.

I’m sorry things are right now. Know that you don’t have to be alone in it. That there are people here who are. I’m sending you a whole lot of love.

Stay strong

  • Kitty

Hey Im into those genres too! DM me is you want to exchange music or playlists. As a former “gifted” child I know sometimes music is the best distraction from burnout.