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Don't want to live

I’m only 20 years old but i think the first memory i have of really being depressed was sometime when I was 9. Nothing happened to me to traumatize me or cause me to be depressed, but yet I still am. I just always feel so drained and sad, and if i’m being honest, i fantasize about how I’ll finally die a lot. I feel as though i’m just a burden. Sometimes it feels like my friends only talk to me because they know I’m a sad piece of shit and they feel as if it’s their responsibility to look out for me, honestly would it be a big deal if i were gone? I’ve thought about it before and I could kill myself in a way that prevents my friends from knowing i did it, they’d just think that i stopped talking to them or something, and yeah it would hurt my parents but in the end their lives would be better off without me.

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I recommend stopping the dark fantasizing about possible suicide scenarios. I’ve considered those topics myself a lot and I resist or ignore the thoughts. You would instantly regret it. Some people keep people around because they care but some because they pity them or want entertainment. I wouldn’t assume the worst about your friends but I would evaluate them a bit. Your depression story is interesting…I would seek a few opinions on that and possibly talk to a trained professional.

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Dear YungYukka

Having depression is hard thing to deal with everyday, and it does takes it tolls. I also struggle with it myself and knowing the feeling of fansty of suicide. There time I think about running into traffic or jumping off a building. I had a teacher when I was in 8th grade that was going be a nobody and it really fuck me up.

You may feel that you are useless, but you are not and you friends love and you parents love you too. We also have people on here that love you too, we all struggle with depression and it fucking battle.

If you can try seeing a therpyist, or a profession to talk how you feel. But if you want, here are some things that help to not fansty about death

  1. take a walk around the park
  2. Do some house work
    3 Yoga
    4 go to store and get a snack
  3. Meditions

Try come with plans to keep your mind of life and depression. Also listen to Alan Watts on youtube. He was philosopher that study zen, tao and religion, that gave new persection on life . He words alone can give a meaning to your life and I would hope you at least watch one of his videos. Remeber you are love and are you important!

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Heya @YungYukka First of all thank you for writing!

I am so sorry to hear about this! I wanted to let you know that you are loved and there’s an entire community that cares for you.

Suicide is NOT the answer and it will never be. Each day around the world, 2,200 people die from suicide.

That is a STAGGERING number and that needs to change.

Don’t believe the lies that the darkness tells you, ever.

Your life absolutely matters and you are LOVED.

Feel free to reach out to me if you need ANYTHING

-Darian H/DarianDaOtter

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You are a beautiful person. I will be the first to say so. And no parent is better without their child. I wish I could be there to hold your hand and walk with you. You are loved by people you don’t even know. And I am one of them. I know that killing yourself is not a fix. I’ve tried. It sucked. Life has so much to offer that you don’t even know yet. Give it a chance.

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From: dariandaotter

Heya, just wanted to let you know that you are loved and that all of us is here for you

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Dear Yung Yukka:
Your life is precious and it matters. Right now, it’s tough to understand this because the cloud of your depression is so thick you can’t see beyond it. Trust me when I say that the moment you ask for help from family, friends, professionals, and people you trust, your journey to a better life will begin. You are worth this help and it does get better if you are willing to take a single step to begin the journey to a healthier version of yourself. You matter to everyone you have met, talked to, or have had the opportunity to bring into your life. I hope you find the courage to take the step forward and away from a life of tiredness and sadness. You deserve only the best. <3

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From: ladytapioca

I used to feel like this and still struggle with it now. I don’t take pills or have a therapist. But I find something, anything that gives me worth, something that keeps me going. My plants, my cats, even something as simple as seeing my favorite streamers. There are ways you can fight these feelings while you are finding the medical side of it all since it can take a long time. But hold on friend, the fight is hard, I know, you know. But it’s worth it, friend, hold fast.

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From: collarfullofpanic

Hey Friend, I love you. I care that you are here. If you need to open up we are here for you! Hold Fast.

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From: mrwapiti

Hey Friend, I love you. I care that you are here. If you need to open up we are here for you! Hold Fast.

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From: dariandaotter

Hey Friend, I love you. I care that you are here. If you need to open up we are here for you! Hold Fast.

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From: pitstick

Hey Friend, I love you. I care that you are here. If you need to open up we are here for you! Hold Fast.

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From: maximumhomerdrive

Hey Friend, I love you. I care that you are here. If you need to open up we are here for you! Hold Fast.

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From: microsmos_

Hey Friend, I love you. I care that you are here. If you need to open up we are here for you! Hold Fast.

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@YungYukka

Hey friend, we spoke about your topic on my live stream yesterday.
I hope that this gives your some encouragement!
Also, I would love to send you this artworkd to remind you of the love this community has for you.
Hold fast.

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Hi Danjo, I watched your live stream and have been looking through the comments on my post and I just wanted to say thank you. It means the world to me that someone would take the time out of their day to try and help me. I am looking into a therapist because I really am tired of feeing miserable, and seeing your comment along with others has helped me feel more confident about opening up to someone. For so many years I have avoided seeking help because I’m scared of how people would react to the thoughts I have, I only posted on here because it was an anonymous sight. You didn’t have to share your words to try and help me but you did, and I am so grateful for you and others like you❤️

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Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I’m currently looking into finding a therapist for myself because I believe it would help me. I hope you one day find yourself in a place where you don’t have any bad thoughts though, i just wanted to say that you’re beautiful for sharing your message and trying to help someone you don’t even know❤️

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you have no idea how much this helps🤧 i was always scared to voice how i felt because i was scared of how people would respond to me, but people like you and everyone in the comments made it easier for me, i will not let my depression control my life anymore, i want to feel better and i’m taking the steps to do so❤️ thank you for taking the time from your day to try and help me, even though we don’t know eachother just know i am grateful for you

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thank you Elizabeth​:sob: seeing how ready people were to help me makes me realize i don’t have to hold everything inside. your words touched me and i do not plan on letting my dark thoughts take over, i’m seeking professional help because personally i think that’s what would help me best, but just know that it’s people like you who helped me to build up the courage to do so!:heart:

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I was so glad to hear from you. You are never alone. Need someone talk to email any time I will answer. Dump a bad day on me. It’s OK.
If I had died then I never would have been married,had children,or grand children. I would have never written short stories that got published. Or worn silly costumes in public for fun. All the things I now love… I would never have gotten to do.
People said and did things to me I still bare mental and physical scar’s from. And I have learned not to be afraid to wear them proudly. I survived it, I beat them at they’re own game to hurt me and make me hate myself. That is how you win. I WIN YOU S.O.B.'S! I WIN!
You are important to me. I haven’t gotten to know you yet, but I know you are wonderful because you just are you exist and that’s enough. And I can’t wait to get to know you better if you let me.

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