So recently I’ve been really down in the dumps. I have not wanted to really do anything with my family and just want to stay home and sit and be a couch potato. Work is going ok, but is stressfull, but what job isn’t. I’ve come to the realization that I need to maybe see a counselor for depression and maybe even try and get some marriage counseling. My depression is bad enough that it’s leaving me thoughts and even dreams of what my life would be like if I wasn’t living with my wife, daughter, and father in law. I feel as though we need a place of our own to start our own life, instead of always planning around his. I personally don’t have any place I can go, meaning no “man cave” or somewhere I can go for a while to decompress when I get off work. I know it seems like I’m rambling, but I don’t know what to do anymore. Just need some advice.
Welcome back. I am sorry you have been feeling so down lately. Living with depression and trying to get through the daily stressed of life can be really exhausting. You are however doing a very good job at trying to get out of this dump. You have realized that you need therapy and maybe some marriage counceling. Those will definitely help. Therapy can help you how to cope with your depression and marriage counceling can help your familly issues and also help your family support you better and understand your depression. It is also good that you realised that you dont really have a place to let go of some steam. That is another thing to focus on. What would such place look like and what would you do in said place to relax. I think you should follow on what you have set out to do. Trying to better your life and seek guidance from professionals. You already see the road ahead of you, you just need to walk on it now.
Hi Friend, I’m sorry you’re stuck in a tough situation. Without knowing the situation it’s hard to give advice. Everyone needs time alone, so perhaps you can talk to your wife and work something out that works for both of you. I think therapy would be a good choice for a diagnosis and perhaps medication would help your mood. Marriage counseling sounds wonderful and it would probably be very good for both of you. ~Mystrose
Thank you for coming back to HeartSupport & letting people come alongside you to encourage you. When I needed to decompress after work, I also spent some time in my car before driving & checking on things before heading home.
Maybe figure out what works for you & make a point to do it every day, so it can become a routine for you.
You are important. You are enough. You are valid. You are worthy. You matter.
Seeking out counseling is always an excellent idea to provide a safe space to work on issues. Living at home with an in-law can be an adjustment if it’s recent. Has this been a recent change or on-going? Have you spoken to your wife about these feelings?
What does your dream ‘man cave’ include? What activities are you interested in doing, if you don’t mind sharing? Are they things you’d do on your own, or would it be to have some friends over to bond and chill with?
thank you for sharing this update and taking the time to write out how things are going for you. you being here and opening up about everything is an amazing step in a direction towards healing and i’m glad you could be here to do that. personal and marriage counseling is the best thing you can pursue for the betterment of your own life as well as your family.
since you requested advice, is it okay that i share my perspective on what you’ve shared? would it be a correct assumption that you feel a bit suffocated and trapped in the current circumstances you’re in? you’re blessed to have a family like yours but it’s understandable that sometimes you need personal time in another room. since you don’t have access to a private room, would visiting a coffee shop, gym, maybe a walk in the local woods give you that needed escape? i wish you all the best in finding the solution that works best for both you, your wife, and daughter, as well as father-in-law even though a lot of your plans revolve around him. i hope to hear from you soon, my friend, hold fast!
Hi Friend, Thank you for your post, I am so sorry that you are feeling so down right now. It can probably feel quite suffocating to come home to everyone including extended family and yes we all need that time after work to let go and relax, I think i would probably go and get in the bath if i had no other room to go in but maybe you could stop on the way home and get a coffee and sit in the car for 30 mins just something to clear your mind (if thats possible right now) I think your idea of councelling both on your own and as a couple is a fabulous idea, it will help you to get your thoughts out and also your wife may have thoughts of her own that she needs to get out too, its a safe space and if its necessary at some point you could bring the father in law in? (i dont know your situation with your father in law so I dont know if that would be even needed) I hope that you can get some peace in your own mind and within your family both for you and your wife and children. You are blessed and I want nothing more that for everything to fall into place for you. We of course are also here for you. Much Love lisalovesfeathers. x
From: your pal, Rick
Hey @fenderman1284, thank you for sharing this with us. It takes some courage to confess these things, they’re hard feelings, it’s great that you made that important step.
What you’ve described, wanting to sit and be a couch potato, is a sign to me that seeking therapy would be a very good idea. Feeling like you have no energy or will to do the things you used to want to do is a terrible thing and you deserve help with that. Your hunch is telling you that marriage counselling may be a good idea too, and I think that’s also worth talking about with your partner. It could really help you all, and of course you deserve that.
It sounds to me that you’re feeling a bit stuck in your situation. Am I reading that right? The road to where you want to be might be a long one, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t start taking steps in that direction. I think the important thing to start you off is to get yourself the help you need to become stable, so you can feel like yourself again. For now, it might be good to try to appreciate the moments you have to yourself, when you’re able to pause and let yourself destress. When time permits, you might be able to go on walks or out to places where you can do this for a bit longer too, but I’m not sure of your situation and I know that having a family reduces personal time.
In all, I just hope you know that it’s okay that you feel this way. There’s nothing shameful about it, and it’s also not a dead end. People can and do come back from feeling like this, and you can too. If you want to talk more about specifics I’ll be happy to, just let me know. Stand fast friend, best of luck. <3