For a little over the past week I’ve been giving in to drinking alcohol more than I should. I started casually drinking, every once in a while, when going out to restaurants. I’d have one beer. Then, as always happens, I say I’ll just have one when I’m out, and won’t bring it into my apartment. Then, last weekend I brought a bottle of wine into my apartment. I did that a couple times last week. Each time, drinking more than I’d intended. Last night, again, I got a bottle. It wasn’t because I felt a craving, persay. It’s was more of a free will choice of, “Why not?” Then, I drank almost the whole bottle. I got drunk and didn’t even realize it fully til this morning. I had texted my small group from church earlier in the week, asking for prayer. a few people responded to the group text, and offered a lot of encouragement that really lifted me up. Someone even offered to meet up with me later in the week. Yesterday, it was a different story. I texted, stating there was this annoying motor noise from the apartment above mine. I am really sensitive to noise. Anyways, this weekend was supposed to be a weekend to mentally recoup from the week. And yesterday was not a day of recouping. I was just mentally drained with the noise coming from above. I put my air purifier on for some white noise, and I still could hear the noise. I texted my small group and explained, and said I felt like if the noise didn’t go away, I had thoughts of just getting some wine to drown it out later on. I understand people are busy, have families, etc. but it’s been a day and a half since I’ve sent that message. Not one person acknowledged they got my text. I’m not expecting long notes of encouragement, necessarily. Though those are very helpful. But a simple, “Hey, I’m praying for you” from a couple people would have been nice. So, since it’d been eight hours since I’d sent the text to the group, a part of me was like screw it. No one obviously cares to reach out to me when I’m struggling, so that played a tiny part in my choice to drink last night. Most of my choice was due to my own free will decision, regardless of no one reaching out to me. But it’s just frustrating. As Christians, were to “bear one another’s burdens”, and in my time of need, no one even acknowledged my text. I don’t expect people in my group to understand addiction or alcoholism. But I do think the purpose of the group is to lift each other up in times of struggle. And even a simple “Hey, I’m still praying for you” would have been enough to spur me on and remember I’m not alone. I don’t even want to share with the group much now, cause why bother. This isn’t the first time I’ve shared something and everyone just ignores it. Maybe I’m a bother and share too much with the group. Not sure where the line is with that.
Hey, great to have you back! It’s been a little while by the looks!
Can I ask if there has been things going on that has triggered you to start drinking? It’s okay if not, there’s absolutely no judgement. I used to find myself downing a bottle by myself, maybe two. I also started to find myself in a place where I couldn’t be involved with anything going on because “sorry I’ve been drinking since x 0’clock!”
It can be so sneaky the way it creeps up.
I’m really sorry that you haven’t felt the support from your church group, so you talk to anyone outside of that group? Not saying you have to sign up for AA or anything, but even a friend or family member who might know that you’re having a hard time right now?
I’m really sorry as well that there has been a lot of noise going in around you, I can imagine that it’s added a lot of unnecessary frustration too!
Is it still on going? Do you know what the noise is from? If it’s not something they need to leave on and running perhaps they wouldn’t mind turning it off between certain hours. Say 9pm and 8am?
Sometimes people don’t realise that a verbal response is really helpful. Sometimes people may see a message and they all think to keep it in mind and be aware of it, and not realise that in fact, a little encouragement goes a long way. Something I’ve learned is when I know I need to ask for that. Sometimes I am happy to tell my close friends I’m struggling and they may or may not respond, but sometimes I actually do say “hey I need some encouragement about xyz”.
Of course they’re happy to give it, and it may feel a bit like “well I’ve just asked you to, and that’s the only reason”, but it actually helps people to know how to support you better.
Just like if someone came to me and said “I have a broken finger”, my response could be “oh do I need to take you to the dr?”, but what they are expecting from me is - please get me some ice so I can nurse it and I’ll take myself.
Asking for the support you need doesn’t make it less valid!
Hi Friend, I’m sorry your church group didn’t respond to you with the support you needed. You’re right people do get busy and have families and there could be a lot of reasons why no one replied. If you’re concerned with the amount of alcohol you’ve been drinking, I would look somewhere else for support, like AA or some type of Christian based AA group. You could look in your community for meetings or look online for groups there. You said you don’t crave it, so now is the time to get help, before it gets worse and harder to stop and effects your life in a negative way. You matter! ~Mystrose
Hi Friend, Thank you for posting, I am pleased that reached out, I think its important that you have recognised that you may have a problem with alcohol, If you think that you are heading to a bad place with it then now would be the time to find a place to knock this on the head before it gets any worse which it seems you are looking to do, im really proud of you for doing that. You didnt say who your church group were but im guessing from the lack of response that they are nothing to do with working with people with any form of addictive personality, in which case they can pray for you but practically you would be much better finding a group that is specific for your concerns. They will be able to help you much more and be there for you in you time of need. If you put expectations on people that are not ready or used to the issues that you are having then you are setting yourself up for disappointment and thats no fun. Find a group that can help and in the meantime we are here to encourage you as much as you need. Much Love lisa x
The folks in the group might not understand how significant this is to you, not because they don’t care; maybe they don’t “get it”. It’s hard to know really. So, maybe reach out to someone at the church that you can clarify; maybe even the Pastor. Keep seeking. Which I know is different when in the midst of it.
Hello, NomadicWanderer! I cannot imagine the struggle you are going through but it is great that you are trying to keep yourself from falling down a hole you do not want to go down. Is this group you are texting a good place to be getting this kind of support? You may look into finding a group elsewhere that may understand what is happening a bit more so that they can better support you. Do you have Facebook, Discord, Reddit, things like that? There are usually groups on these social media sites that you can find full of people with similar struggles who want to help each other and give the support you are looking for. Of course we are always here as well but if you need immediate response and support during “cravings” or other moments then I think other sources may be the way to go.
Good luck! We’re all rooting for you and we’re here for you
Hi there @NomadicWanderer,
Thank you for sharing with us. I want to focus on one part of your post: your relationship with your church group. While it sounds like you may know now, please remember (for the future) that these people do care about you, even if they aren’t able to help you every time. For instance, I know you mentioned that some offered to meet up with you, which is incredibly kind and shows how much they care. With that said, when you aren’t getting responses, it doesn’t mean that nobody cares for you or anything similar to that; others could simply be busy or not know how to respond. For instance, even in HeartSupport, a community with many people who want to support others, it can take a day or two for some posts to get replied to. This doesn’t mean that we don’t care; we 110% care about you! We just take some time to respond.
This is all to say that you’re valued and cared for, always, regardless of what’s going on around you. Thank you, once more, for sharing with us. It sounds like you’re going through a rough patch and I hear some worry and exhaustion in your post; I hope that things start feeling better for you soon. Remember that we’re always here for you on the HeartSupport forum and are glad that you’ve shared with us today.
thank you for leaning on your heartsupport community during this difficult and confusing time. i’m sorry your small group wasn’t available to send you the encouragement and support you needed at that time. you aren’t alone in this feeling as most of us depend on communication through our phones/computers and expect an immediate response. i do hope they eventually lift you up because it sounds like that is the purpose of your group. but in the meantime, i also have to remind myself of this due to me struggling with a similar issue with one of my best friends: everyone has their own obstacles to overcome and life to tend to. if we can’t be there for ourselves, how can we be there for others?
when it comes to the alcohol, i’m sorry you have to depend on the feeling of intoxication to help you escape. with it being such an accessible and societally embraced substance, it’s so easy to use it for an extreme recreation or way to escape certain realities like the noise you’re experiencing. i wish there was an easy way to tell our neighbors to not be so noisy (it sounds like my upstairs neighbors do jumping jacks constantly, like who thinks that’s okay to do??). but drowning it out with alcohol will be more destructive than anything. trust me on this, as alcoholism runs in my own family. please know we value, love, and support you here and i’m so thankful bimini could reply to you quickly so you felt that immediate support! sending you all the best, my friend.
I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling with this. Both with sobriety/impulse control over alcohol, as well as not finding the support you expect from your small group.
Let’s start with your group of friends first. I don’t know the specifics of your small group, or how much you’ve shared with them about your struggles with alcohol. Being that they responded to your first message with prayers, I want to give them the benefit of the doubt that it isn’t that they don’t care. Maybe they didn’t realize what you were asking in the 2nd message? I have struggled in the past with trying to convey a message via text, thinking it was clear what I said/was asking. But the receiver got a different take-away than what I intended?
I say all that, in so much that they group just may not have realized you were asking for support in a time of struggle. Don’t feel dejected by that. Talk to them, and let them know what happened, how you are struggling, and that their support / prayers have helped you in the past with this. As members of a small group, I have faith that open communication like that will produce good results.
If you are finding that you need more help/support in not choosing to drink, or that you have urges to over-drink with no real reason you can find as to why, I encourage you to talk to a counselor, elder at your church, or close trusted friend about the struggles you are going through. Maybe even attend an AA meeting, and find a sponsor that can relate to not being able to stop drinking until you have consumed too much. There are faith-based options, such as Celebrate Recovery, which offer these services through the lens of Christianity. https://www.celebraterecovery.com/ . If you are looking for a support group that you and text with when you are in need, I encourage you to look them up, or other anonymous groups, which can offer you the support you are looking for.
I believe in you, friend. This is not an easy matter to tackle, and seeking support in doing so is a great step forward. You got this