I… really hate myself. For normal things like being unable to drive, for not having friends. How do I not have friends? Why don’t people reach out to me first?
But I really hate myself. Like, im hideous. Like, stick a human together and give it all the ugly and bad traits and boom its me. Im ugly. So fucking ugly. Like. I really want eye surgery so people can see my eyes but if I bring it up to my mom she will be like no you’re gorgeous and more than half of the time I cant even look in the mirror!
And I hate my body just in general.
And I really want to self harm and I know its bad and blah blah blah but I just… hate this feeling. I hate myself and hate being in this pain and I just hate that my existence is full of suffering.
Edit: I self harmed. I’ve been clean for 5 years. 5 years down the drain
There is no reason to hate yourself for any of those things in my opinion. Driving isn’t easy for a lot of people and im sure you will meet new people in the future.
Five years is not down the drain, because for five years you succeeded. That means you can go another five years without self-harm.
Would you hate another person who looked a lot like you, just because she looks like you? I have a very strong hunch that you are not hideous or ugly. Mirrors can reflect with clarity, but the mind can be responsible for significant distortion.
I seriously doubt that this hating of yourself is something new. I think because of that, you probably appear withdrawn, and others might find it difficult to approach you.
No doubt you have often heard the saying, “do unto others as you would have them do to you.” In your case, it needs to be flipped, to say “do for yourself what you would do unto others.” I don’t believe you would judge others so cruelly, nor do you deserve such judgment.
Regarding your looks, keep in mind that we tend to be our own worst critics. Others probably see you much differently than you see yourself. Besides, we are much much more than how we look.
When you hate yourself, you remove all confidence and belief in personal strength. Therefore, even if you resolve to change, it’s not likely to happen as long as you have such a lack of self regard.
Accept the absolute reality that you have misjudged yourself. Then accept the reality that you’re a whole and decent person, deserving of love, care and respect.
Remember, be as gentle with yourself as you are towards others.
When I read your post I kinda found myself from a year ago or maybe less. We have a lot of mirrors in our house and I also couldn’t stand looking at myself. Just a quick glance and I was like “Your’e ugly. Don’t look in the mirror.” and so on. But then I read about someone that always stares at himself in the mirror, admiring himself. And then I thought that I should too, I should also accept myself, my face, my body cause they are mine. And ever since then I look in the mirror, admire myself at night when my hair looks great, even though it’s not very sophisticated. I think you should also try looking in the mirror for at least 10 seconds a day. And then you’ll just involuntarily look in the mirror.
I hope I helped you a bit. If not, just know that we’re here. Stay safe and take care.
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