I’m lonely and want to go home. Be with my parents. No school or stress or exams. Just to chill and be happy. I feel so unhappy. Like I’m never smart enough or working hard enough or strong enough or skinny enough. It’s like I’m drowning under myself and I depressed and anxious and honestly just exhausted and annoyed by everything. And I feel like it will never end
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The two biggest favors my parents did for me were telling me to abandon my full ride scholarship and come home, and 5 years later telling me it was okay to drop out of the school I transferred to, both times because I felt brutally depressed and hopeless.
We’ve been raised to believe that we won’t amount to anything without a college degree, but suffering like that isn’t worth it. When you get to such a low point in school, you have two options: go home and get better; or stay in school, spend more money, and continue to get nowhere because you’re too depressed to get out of bed. The end result is the same, you’re not getting college credit, but at least if you go home you can recover without the pressing guilt of the homework you “should” be doing. To use the old adage: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Keep this in mind: school will always be there. You can always go back, and your credits don’t expire. Don’t think of it as dropping out, think of it as taking a break. I took a “break” for 5 years. I completed one semester to try to get back on track, then I got a better job and I’ve been on “break” again for the last 2 years.
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Hey, I’ve been and still am in the same boat as you. Every day I have a lot to do with sometimes 2 things in math, 2 things in English, 1-2 things in Horsemanship class, 1-2 things in Online Art class, and 1-2 or sometimes 3 things in Fitness class. Sure, it may seem like it will never end, but I know you can get through this! Just come to me if you need to talk because I know how it feels to want to not have school or anything. You are smart enough, you are strong enough, and it doesn’t matter how skinny or not skinny you are! I believe in you!
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That’s a whole lot of things to take on my friend. I am so sorry that you are struggling. It sounds like you are in college? Is this the case? If so, is there maybe a way that you can get some counseling and therapy nearby so you can talk through some of the things you are battling? My partner and my friends have done this while going through college and it really made a huge difference for them. School can be very stressful all on its own, let alone being away from those you love the most.
Sounds like you need some much needed self care. Some time for meditating, maybe some yoda, or just getting out and doing something that you enjoy so you can reflect and clear your head. <3
Here is a link to some resources that maybe could be of help to you. Dwarf Planet is a great book to look into as its a guide and workbook through depression. I know with school that maybe that can feel like a lot to take on right now, but it really is worth reading through.
Heart Support also has a lot of amazing videos on their youtube that maybe you could look through. Lots of encouraging words that has helped me in my moments of struggle.
Know that you matter and are cared for friend. I sincerely hope that you get feeling better.
- Kitty
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