I have this problem… every single day goes by and I can’t stop thinking about how bad I have it right now. I work a low income job at a place I hate… every day I think about getting a different job but no matter what I keep myself here because of my situation. Not being able to afford bills and I want to stay caught up… I have a girlfriend, she is beautiful, she is one of a kind and I love her to death to this day with everything I have in me. It has been rough, I try to tell her about my problems and what I’m feeling every day and all I ever get is criticism and me basically being a piece of shit to her. Now I’m not just some guy, I’m very loving and I will break my back for her without a doubt. I do not hit her or anything like that, I hate arguing and that is the very last thing I ever want to do. She and I get along great, for the most part. It’s basically like this, when we get stoned everything is great but once it wears off she gets an attitude and takes it out on me. And I don’t see the reason why!! I do nothing to ever make her upset ever. I almost feel like she’s holding me back, but I don’t want to lose her! Now back to the work thing, I have not been able to pursue what I want, more money, better car, and house etc, because I love to smoke. I can’t get a good job because of the drug tests before you get hired and I always fail. I can’t have what I really want and I hate it. I always think about what it would be like without all the stress and crap. I’m jus t always down and stuck. I think all the time, all I do is pay bills and that’s it. I can never save money, I’m always forced to spend it to live basically and I just hate it… I just need motivation or something that makes me think I’m not just going to stay like this… I’ve also quit cigs for 5 days now completely so that’s something at least.
Man, sucks to feel like everything in your life isn’t as you want it, and you have no idea why. It’s tough to feel like the only thing that you can rely on to make you feel better about this all is actually something that’s keeping you back from the things you want. It sucks to feel like you’re in a relationship you enjoy most of the times, but the other times make it so unbearable that the good times are almost not worth it…and to feel like you hate where you work…it’s just going from one miserable experience to the next, and it feels like all you have to look forward to is doing drugs…but then when you’re on drugs, you’re spending your time and money and mental space on something that’s only perpetuating the problem…it feels like you’re slowly drowning in quicksand, and you want to do something to get out of it…that’s why quitting cigarettes feels so good is because it feels like it’s speaking hope to you, that you can change, that something can be different.
Man, tough spot.
Hi Steve - Thanks so much for your post. Thanks for sharing all of that and being open about what’s going on.
As a former drug user, I remember the cycle of the only part of my day that was any good was when I was high. That it was what I would look forward to. I also had someone who was my primary person that I got high with. When we’d get high, things would be good, but really overall things were toxic.
Habits can be so hard to break. Congratulations on stopping cigarettes. That’s really wonderful. (Ex-smoker here as well.) Keep up with that - you are doing something really good for yourself there.
You say you need motivation. I know when I was getting high that it killed my motivation 100%. I got nothing done. I imagine if you tell your girlfriend that you might want to try a couple days not getting high that she’ll probably be pretty angry about that? Or try and talk you out of it?
Keep going with the no cigs. Tell yourself every day that quitting smoking is really hard but that you are doing it. Hang in there friend.
Hi friend. sounds like you have a dark cycle that you are going through right now. That’s really hard. I know that drugs can be a comfort to turn to, but sometimes something that makes us happy isn’t always the healthy option. It may be time to consider taking a step back. If we rely to heavily on these things it could really rob us of moving forward and having the things we truly want. Do you think that maybe meetings, rehab or therapy could help you work through this? It only really works if you truly want it. But maybe self reflecting on the things you want and working on the steps to get there could be of help.
Being clean of the drugs could help you get better jobs, build healthier relationships and good connections. Don’t rob yourself of good things for a quick fix my friend <3 There is so much out there that you could take advantage of. <3
I hope and pray that you find the strength and courage to do what you need to get to the things you want out of life and put the unhealthy people and things behind you. Don’t let anything hold you back from your dreams friend. Life is too short <3