Back to heartsupport

Dunno what to do

I’m currently in a severe depressive episode and have suicidal thoughts and plans. I went to my doctor last week, after telling him how I felt and my thoughts he suggested euthanesia…
I was just perplexed I come to my doctor for help and his solution is I’ll help you kill yourself.

I started crisis team after that and have talks with them and my psychologist but the talks just aren’t enough.

For example when I’m walking next to a street I’m having trouble to keep myself from not walking into the street or when at home I have to keep myself from taking all the meds I have. I
I was clean from self harm for months, but started again last week… it just shows how deep I’m in…

I need an admission at a mental health unit or a psychiatric hospital, but the crisis team doesn’t find any place for me. I don’t want this but it’s just necessary to get through this “rough patch”.

I have a admission talk january 15th but I just can’t keep going like this for 3 months, I just can’t…

thanks for reading
a5h

First off, your doctor needs some serious reading up on how to help people in depression with suicidal thoughts. I suggest finding a different doctor honestly. So suicide has a few phases (first thoughts that fly by -> thoughts get more frequent/serious but you still hold back for family -> making plans and almost unable to think about anything else -> it can happen any minute), and it seems like you’re in the 3rd phase :s Maybe you’re already 4th phase there. And it worries me. It also worries me that you don’t get the help you really deserve.
I suggest a psychiatrist though, next to your psychologist. Depression is something that is severely caused by neurotic things in your brain and the right medication might help. I was sceptical, but for me it made my life a bit more bearable when I was in a rough spot. (but please make them give you little doses)

I suggest another few things: find a way to be kinda controlled by people, that they know where you are. Get rid of whatever can cause you harm. Write down the suicide hotline somewhere and save it in your phone.

Also… something that really helps me: “This too shall pass” No matter how bad things get, there will be a time where it all goes away, or loses importance.

Please take care of yourself, urge the crisishelp group for more care
hugs and love, Astroly

2 Likes

Hey @a5hm0r, I’m so sorry you’re going through this :heart: Sending so much love

I really hope they’ll find a place for you soon. But if that doesn’t happen we can make it to January, one day at a time. We’re not going anywhere, if you need support we’re here for you. We want to help, because you deserve to get through this, you deserve to live a life that you love.

I think @Astroly may be right - is medication something you’d consider? It can be a long journey getting it right, but a lot of people find success and it’s just one more tool to help

Here if you want to talk friend :heart: Stay strong