last school year i got a place at a gifted school. aka an “elite”/“top 1%” one.
the first semester was just fine but after chinese new year things went south. for some reason 2/3rds of my class rarely talked to me and/or vice versa. then, the class was split into two factions and i felt not belonging to either. although i did make a few friends my interactions with others were mostly for their extracurriculars.
i also avoided talking to the best friend of the class leader (for want of better vocab) since he had (and still has) a demeaning attitude towards me, for some reason i dont know. and when it comes to hard coursework i simply dont bother asking classmates, and find solutions online instead.
then there are study problems as well. since year 6 i have always had problems with mathematics and the courseload we have (trig equations and solid/3 dimensional geometry) only exacerbated the problem. as for chem i can barely grasp the knowledge needed to do the advanced tasks the school expects me to do.
thirdly, since i’m in an english gifted class, natural sciences teachers here expect me and my class to study well at all subjects, which makes me cringe to death.
finally, because i’m writing from vietnam not the us, there’s no way to drop any subject except to get out of school and fork out cash to study elsewhere and it is common belief here that to be successful in life you must excel all subjects at school especially natural sciences.
rn im simply crumbling under pressure from all of this, just cried real tears this entire afternoon, tears of true regret being too naive to have put myself through this. tears of true regret not having relegated myself to a regular school with old secondary school friends. tears of true regret not having chosen a better high school experience elsewhere.
Thanks for sharing this and I’m sorry you’re going through this. It completely makes sense that this is a stressful situation, I’d be stressed out too. It seems that the true you was who was accepted to the school and maybe finding that inner you at this time would help. I don’t know if it’s possible but would finding a side hobby help with stress relief so you can think clearer?