So I’ve been pretty stressed out lately as some of you know, and this morning and yesterday morning were absolutely awful. I just want these test results for ASD, and the stress seems to be endlessly piling up - dealing with losing family to COVID, work has added way too much to my plate (over 15 Architectural projects at one time with only 1 other person helping me), having IBS and constant stomach issues, general anxiety, etc.
Just a fair warning, I’m about to describe having a pretty serious meltdown including self harm (no cutting, but hitting), so if you’re sensitive to that kind of thing, you may want to skip this post. I’m going in on my explanation, because this is 100% therapeutic for me and I’m so thankful to have a place I can freely speak about things like this. Sorry in advance for all the cursing
I live in a house that’s split into 3 apartments, so there is someone above me and someone beneath me. The neighbor underneath me is a little strange - he doesn’t seem like he takes care of himself, and he has a dog. I never see him take the dog outside (literally once I actually saw him) and it barks incessantly literally E.V.E.R.Y. morning at 6am when the owner leaves. When I say incessantly I mean literally for HOURS the dog will just KEEP BARKING, and I already have a hard enough time sleeping as it is (#insomnia). The neighbor has flat out told me himself that he keeps the dog locked in his bedroom during the day, which makes me wanna be like “oh no wonder she fuckin barks, it’s cause you’re an ASSHOLE”.
Anyway. This morning in particular I am NOT OKAY. I couldn’t get to sleep until around 3am and I kept waking up all night. And of course, I wake up to that dog this morning at 6am … but it was 10x worse than a normal day. She’d stop barking for 2 seconds and then bark 10 more times.
I started to really lose it because it was 6:30ish and I hadn’t gotten much good sleep. I started yelling at the dog from my floor, things like “lay down” and “no” to see if it would work. This usually gets her to stop at least for a little, but not today. I got more frustrated and started to lose it more, I stomped on the floor HARD and slammed my hand on my coffee table, “SHUT UP” I yelled to the dog. Still the barking continued, and I continued (in my rage I probably didn’t realize the banging was likely making the dog bark more). I now have a bruise on the side of my hand as well (good job self )
I tried turning some music up to see if that would help drown out the barking, but it just ended up making me even less able to go back to sleep. I yelled some more to try and get the dog to lay down and stop barking but nothing was working. Finally, it seemed like she stopped, so I closed my eyes to try and get my last precious 2 hours of sleep, and not even a whole minute later she’s BARKING AGAIN. I literally lost it. I sat up, screamed shut up at the dog, and then when she barked more I proceeded to hit my head off of the coffee table several times over and over again as I started sobbing out of absolute frustration. I didn’t exactly do it gently, either.
When the barking still didn’t stop, I got up and walked over to the closet door (where I know the floor is thinner) and continued to try to tell the dog commands to lay down and no and stop barking. It was immediately evident that didn’t work, and I smacked my head off the door (not as forgiving as the coffee table actually), and started slamming my open palms onto the door while kicking at it in frustration. I then opened the closet door and slammed it shut before finally sinking to the ground and just sobbing for about 30 minutes. By the time I was done crying the dog had finally stopped barking. In total she did not stop barking for about 1.5 hours.
My forehead is throbbing now and I feel just. Ashamed and embarrassed that I freaked out. I’ve had meltdowns throughout my life, but this one in particular just feels awful, and I feel like I just want to go into hibernation for a while. My whole body is sore from stress.
I don’t really know how to stay calm about the dog anymore, it’s almost every single day since September 2020, and I’ve tried to tell the leasing office and the lady was a dismissive bitch to me saying “the neighbor is a good person, the last tenant never had a problem with the dog”. Okay lady, the cops also showed up at my fucking door 2 weeks after I moved in asking if I knew who/where the previous tenant was. So obviously the last tenant probably wouldn’t have reported the dog even if it did bother them. I was never warned of this prior to moving in, either.
She then proceeded to tell me I should just try to arrange meeting the dog so it would bark at me less. Bitch the dog ain’t barking AT me. IDK how I could possibly be making the fucking dog bark while I’m ASLEEP… I also am a young female and live alone (which she obviously knows), while the dude downstairs is old (like 40s 50s) and gives me the fucking creeps. Of all people she should have understood this, as she’s a nice looking young lady too, but she dismissed my being uncomfortable and patronized me through the whole thing. I just moved to this area for the first time in my life at the end of 2020 anyway, so it’s not like I’m comfortable and have family down the road or know the area super well. The closest people I have are an hour away by car. Plus, it’s kinda her job to manage the properties, isn’t it?
Idk. It’s not like I submit maintenance requests all the time or anything, I’ve been here over a year, and only submitted 3 requests. Once about the dog, once for my stove burner being broken (which was neglected for over a month), and once when my power went out. She should be so fucking lucky she didn’t get an asshole tenant that submits a maintenance request for everything. I also found out the other tenant upstairs is the leasing office lady’s brother, so maybe she just feels like she doesn’t have to give a shit about this property, which is fucked up.
…My plan for now is to go to my boyfriend’s tonight, and stay the rest of the week so I can sleep better. Hopefully I will find a new apartment, because this is becoming absolutely unbearable.
I technically have to work right now, but I’m going to use some PTO and take a nap, because I really need some rest.
Thanks for letting me rant and be open about myself