SO.
I had emdr and WOW it’s actually pretty wack? Like, if you don’t have it done and just watch it you’ll be like wtf is this weird brainwashing? or are you in a cult? because it can be waving a hand back and forth in front of your face or something. my therapist alternated tapping my legs. (she asked which I’d prefer.)
My mom, when she was doing her therapy clinicals, saw the therapist do it and she that it was weird and literally said she wasn’t sure if the therapist was doing it right (now I’m pretty sure she was).
It’s a really weird experience. My brain kind of feels like I just took a really hard final, and its sort of around the crown of my head (like, if I were literally wearing a crown that circle area) has a weird pressure headache thing? It’s not like, painful. Just… I can tell my brain was stimulated and reprocessed things.
I want to say that I liked it??
We are doing baby steps. Today was my brother making me feel unsafe (since he doesn’t take covid seriously). We’ll probably do more of that next session and touch on other stuff too. I don’t think I’m ready to start on the trauma with my dad yet, but Alyce (my therapist) said that its okay and told me we could stop at any time when we get there.
Now I get to relax and put together my fish tank! I think my mom is more understanding. I don’t think she realized that the tank will last a long time 
UPDATE: I put the tank together and my mom thinks it’s really awesome! No fish yet, since I’m waiting to get the right water quality, but I think it looks great! (although I am very biased hehe)