I just dont know what the point of trying is. The waves are gonna crash again and knock me off my feet and wash away everything I think is good, and I just dont have the strength for that anymore. I’d rather lay here in the sand and let the waves crash over me while I’m already lying down. I’m not sure what the point of this post even is, there’s no question and I have the answers I need. I’m just empty and I’ve just about given up at this point. I have so many loved ones that care about me and support me and comfort me, I have a good job that I love. None of that matters. I’ve gotta wake up again tomorrow so I can distract myself enough to get through the work day then do that for 5 days until I can lay here in darkness again.
I feel this so much. It feels like recently I’m searching for anything to give me a push of energy and hope to just make it to tomorrow. Please know you are not alone.
Is there a hobby you enjoy or a TV show you love? I’ve found myself recently looking to the show New Girl and Schitt’s Creek at night when I can’t sleep and my mind takes over. They make me laugh and remind me that I too can feel something other than my depression.
Thank you for being open and presenting such a symbolic way of how you have been feeling lately and your energy levels. It is okay to get knocked over many times because those big waves tend to come in and surprise us when we least expect them too. Allow yourself the time to lie there and recharge and as you said
Do not give up, just allow time to heal and allow to feel again.
You are loved.
It is so hard to find any interest or value in the things we already have when we just feel like carrying the world on our shoulders. I feel the heaviness through your words, friend. And I understand, for being in a very similar position these days, that words can seem to be empty and useless in such circumstances. There’s this disconnection that makes us feel like everything requires to do an effort while the energy - emotional, physical - seems to be gone. Sometimes it feels like life drags us around and we don’t have a say on it.
Though, you might just proved that it’s not necessarily true. You found the strength to share this. Even if it comes from a place of exhaustion, you’re here. And by doing so, you’re allowing yourself to be reminded that you are seen, that how you feel is acknowledged, also that you are not alone right now. You’re raising your voice over something that’s not fulfilling right now. Congratulations for being aware of that and putting words on your own experience. That is incredibly powerful - even if it doesn’t feel like it.
I know it’s been 4 days since you posted this. And I hope with all my heart that this moment was a way to let those things off your chest, so you could set your feet on the ground and regain some energy. Sometimes, dumping our mind is enough. But if it’s not, then I hope you’ll allow yourself to rest this weekend, as much as possible, and maybe consider reaching out to get some extra-help. I don’t know if you ever considered counseling or if you even tried before, but maybe this is a crutch you would need to get through this season of your life. And that would be totally okay. If your heart is tired, it’s more than okay to decide to take care of it.
Your inner spark didn’t disappear. Despite the lack of meaning, despite the fact that it’s been hard to even care for the things or the people you love. This emptiness has a reason to be. But there is hope, friend. Sometimes we just have to take some steps to actually feel it again. You’ll get there.
I also wanted to share the following video with you - hoping that it could warm your heart as much as it warms mine: