Enough, but not more than enough

[gatfureisu]

I come from a very national competitive school, in which there are some people who are very confident in their skills. Not just skills, but also their appearances.

Being DL
They all get DL, some of my friends get DL, but I don’t. (DL means director’s listers, like an honor roll of sorts) It sucks so much to realize that you’re not DL. At all. At anytime of your school life there.

On another note, connecting it to the DL story, one time I had this incident where I cried to my family about how I dissapoint them too much. They told me that they will support me even if I don’t get DL, they won’t get dissapointed, etc. I love that my family is doing these efforts to make me happy but it seems too good to be true. That they can be happy and gibe me big presents and gifts, without me getting a prestigious reward of sorts.

Like the time when I told my parents I was going to be DL and I told them thy had to buy me a gaming PC if I do. And they bought it in advance but I didn’t get into DL.

With this, I felt like I need to up my standards, and I did. I tried my best, but it wasn’t good enough. Still didn’t get in DL.

They always tell me it’s fine or it’s okay. But for me, it’s not, they give me all these things but in return? Nothing. Not even a single award or a certificate.

My Body Image
Some of friends have cute faces and handsome ones too. But I don’t. I find myself to be super ugly and fat, some people say I’m not at all fat, but I feel like I am, from the fat sticking out from my stomach(Although my chest is pretty flat.)

I sometimes look at people, especially my friends to see what their special features are. They have lots.Their beautiful hair, their glistening eyes, their perfect body. But I have none. None at all. As in nothing. For my persective atleast.

Conclusion
I feel as though I am worthless, that I am only worth loving and being taking care for if I get DL or get my dream body and face. I want to be the cream of the cream of the crop. I want to be the person who is not just half empty, but overflowing. I feel as though I am enough and worth it, but not MORE than enough or not MORE than worth it. Honestly, it sucks having to think about this everyday. And I want to ask for help so I came here.

Thank you for reading this long post. I’m sorry for wasting your time.

[GreatWalrus]

That might be helpful. It is more male-centered but I fell the advice goes for just about anyone.

Also if you want someone to listen or talk to I will always be around and will respond without judgement. With body image, that one is always a hard thing. Personally, exercise and martial arts helped me feel more comfortable in my skin and appreciate the body I have for what it is. Also those let you quantify things like how strong your body is and it gives a new way of appreciating it.

And this isn’t a waste of time; we are here to help each other helping someone else out here means the community as a whole gets stronger.

Also if you want friends to game with, I can introduce you to a new community. and I recommend having a face to face talk with your parents. Like what they think how they feel and verbalizing some of the things that you’re thinking about. I’m pretty sure they will be supportive and help. I went to a nationally competitive school too so please feel fee to reach out more.

One thing I learned when I got out was a lot of HS was bullshit and college + adult life is totally incongruous with it.

-Andrew

[ageffre]

you are not wasting anyone’s time. it takes a lot of courage to post on here, and admit that you’re struggling. i am so glad you decided to open up. never feel afraid to express yourself, whether it be online or in person.
with feeling like you HAVE to be perfect, i get it. my parents tell me that they’re proud me, but i always feel like i have to be “perfect”. no one is perfect. something i do for that is recognizing the small steps i have accomplished, because, while it may seem small, it’s still an accomplishment; not everything HAS to be huge in order to be recognized.
i struggle with my body image, and i can relate to having insecurities about physical features. i constantly compare myself to my friends and family, especially one of my cousins. in a therapy group that i am in, i made a list of positive things about me, even the ones about my personality. beauty is more than just having a flat stomach and a large chest, and i know you are beautiful.
i hope this helps.

[nicole_kaley]

hey friend,
just wanted to let you know that I love you and im so happy you shared this. thank you for being here and I hope you find comfort in this community : )