Estranged best friends

The first time I had an actual real friend was about 5 years ago when I was in the middle of a deep hole and was fighting to live and die.
Over the years I realized it’s a very one sided friendship and I don’t actually know much about her, while she knows everything about me.
Then she moved away, very far away, and in the beginning I was hurting because she was gone, but then I was relieved that I don’t have to keep up the friendship anymore. She wouldn’t message me and wouldn’t respond to texts or calls. Last week she came to visit her family, and I had a very bad feeling about seeing her. We were not really on speaking terms after I told her why I don’t want to see her and finally told her about all the things she has done that hurt me so bad.
I’ve been angry at her for years, but I never really noticed, now I’m at a point where I am okay with not being friends and don’t want to invest in this relationship anymore.
Today she messaged me that she wants to build up a friendship again, one that is not single sided and where I can trust her again. Now I don’t know how to feel about it and don’t know what to do.
Again, she’s in a far away country, I’m certain she won’t answer my calls and texts and I don’t want to be hurt again. I’m not sure if I’m able to open my heart again and be a friend, but I don’t know what to do now.

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Hi, friend,

That’s hard. For me, I’m very selective about people that I give energy. I don’t overly invest in people that are not willing to also put into the friendship. With that said, I know that we all have lives, we all get busy and we all have hardships. So I don’t hound my friends for not responding right away or having things going on. With the few close friends I have, we seem to have an understanding. We’re pretty lax.

But, I’ve had friendships where they simply don’t exist. It felt like I was chasing them around and always the initiative. I’ve had friends who only ever reached out when they needed something. And I had to cut them out.

For this girl, you could give her a chance to prove herself but also go in with your guard up till she earns your trust. Don’t get too emotionally invested. That way if she does go back to old habits, it won’t bother you as you had no expectations going in. But you could say you gave her a chance.

But if you really don’t want to and aren’t feeling it, then don’t feel obligated to. You know? It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to move on.

I wish you the best of luck.

  • Kitty

I hope that sharing your story and feelings here helped :star: Just be sure to do what is best for you because your feelings are important. If you don’t feel safe in the relationship, or if you think it will not be good for you, then it is okay to say no.

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