I feel pretty worthless today I just moved to vegas 3 weeks ago I can’t find a job so I can’t make money so I can’t get gas or food. I’m just spiralling
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Dude I am the spiral king…glad you landed here so we can anchor one another, haha.
It’s so easy to see that this one thing in your life is the source of all of the pain…it’s like man if I just had money, I could afford the things that are keeping me from moving forward in my life…you took a risk, and now every reason that you came here is unraveling before our very eyes…you feel like there’s nothing you could do to get things right, because every time you think you’er right, you just fuck it up somewhere along the way because at the end of the day – you are just not good enough…and then if you’re not good enough that dumps so much hopelessness and pressure into your job search…it’s like well fuck, I’ll never get a job…I’m just going to fuck that up too…no one is going to want me…and then the thoughts rip through every part of your life, the insecurity becomes a whirlwind / cyclone that just shreds every bit of your self-esteem down…any part of your life that you felt was going well becomes at risk for getting destroyed by this tornado of self-doubt…
In the middle of my spirals, my wife is the freaking bomb dude…I rip through our house feeling like, “MY LIFE IS FALLING APART,” and she anchors me and reminds me – hey, everything’s going to be okay…you’re okay, everything’s okay, everything’s going to be okay…failure in one area of life or one instance doesn’t equate to I AM A FAILURE…I love this quote, you’ve probably heard it, but I wanted to share anyways because it is something that really centers me in the middle of all of this:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. -Teddy Roosevelt
You moved to Vegas, friend. You took a massive leap of faith. You followed your heart and passion…you are DOING something…you are IN THE ARENA…and even if you get cut down, you at least fail while daring greatly, and while you’re covered in dust and sweat and blood, you are cultivating the courage to rise again and try once more.
That kind of person can overcome anything. That is who you are, and who you are becoming. I am proud of your resilience. You are okay, and everything’s going to be okay, friend. You’re doing great.
-Nate
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