I just can’t do anything right in life. I should already be in a 4 year university with a steady job but I’m no where near that. I’m just a failure to my parents.
Thank you so much for being here.
First, I want to let you know that we all go through this kind of feeling, at different moments in our lives. You are not alone in this situation.
I’m sorry you had that feeling of failure, but there’s still a huge difference between what you’re feeling and who you are. You are not a failure, not at all. It seems that what’s hurting you right now is a difference between your expectations, your representation of what should be, and what is. But this particular feeling doesn’t mean that you’re not able to do anything right in your life. It only means that:
- Maybe your demands on yourself are too high. Sometimes we set the bar too high and we can then have trouble to go through unexpected events. Also sometimes our loved ones push us to aim too high, most of the time because they want the best for us, but that can also become really hurtful.
- Perhaps your representation of what is normal or not is a little distorted by what you see around you or by what you’ve been taught. I can only imagine that sometimes you also compare yourself to others and feel abnormal, like a failure, because you wouldn’t have followed that “normal” path.
- Maybe you’re going on at your own pace and that would be absolutely ok.
- Or… maybe it’s a mix of all of this.
Fortunately, normality doesn’t exist. It’s a myth, but we tend to stick to it because we need benchmarks, common references. It’s reassuring, it’s normal. But sometimes you have to stand back from these and focus on yourself, on who you are, on what makes actually sense for you and no one else. For a certain number of years now, I have worked in organizations that helped people with so many different backgrounds. No identical story and always unique individuals. It helped me a lot to take a step back from my own representation of normality.
Following your own path is what makes you a unique, valuable person.
We all follow different directions, and on this Earth there are as many different paths as there are living persons. Sometimes we feel that everything is going well, because we reached our personal goals, and sometimes we have the impression of not getting there.
But know that it’s never too late for anything. There are elderly people who go to university, others who work without having studied; people who have children, others who will never have children; people who discover love when they’re 70-80 years old, others at 15 … There is absolutely no deadline to reach your life goals.
I have an older brother who died almost 2 years ago. He was 33 years old and at the age of 32, he had just started a new course, by correspondence. He was so excited about this. Before that, he had a lot of personal difficulties, he left the family home at 30, he had different jobs and he often felt useless, like a failure. So, yes he needed a decade to find himself, to find what he really liked. Because the pace of life that society imposes on us is not suitable for everyone. And that’s totally ok. There is no shame to have. Only the pride to be human, to try new things, to be curious, to make mistakes because it’s part of life. And, above all, to take care ofourselves when life disappoints us a little.
Sometimes it may feels like it’s taking longer than other people to reach your own goals… well, so be it! The key is to keep moving towards what you like, what makes sense for you. Do not be discouraged by all the “I should …” you may be repeating to yourself. Try to replace this sentence with “I can…”.
You are not a failure. You have a lot of skills, desires, perspectives. You will be able to overcome these difficulties. They are only temporary, friend.
Take care of yourself. Cherish your successes, each one of them. And don’t be too hard on yourself. You deserve to feel good.
First of all stop that lie in its track that you are not good enof because that’s untrue. Dont be ashamed that you ar doing life at a different pace then other people and Honestly in my xp college is a waste of money I know that from 5 or 6 years in and I don’t have a degree just a massive amount of debt. going to college makes most people start 40-80 thousand dollars behind in life and that’s not smart at all.
if you want a steady job that pays great that wont ruin your wallet look at being a electrician, carpenter, plumber or welder. these people make a base pay of 20 to 30 dollars a hour and don’t have the negative debt a college grad has.
I would suggest finding a job that is needed that is hiring people something that you would like to do and go after that and in the mean time to life your spirits do a hobbies like play guitar or hangout with friends. just don’t forget your awesome and life will work out in your favor just keep pushing through the letdowns and bs. hang in there