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EugeniaCooney Fan #345

I wish I could walk and runaway. I don’t wanna live in the place I’m in and my parents don’t love me.

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First off – sorry I am just now seeing this…I hope the past few days have been a bit brighter than when you first wrote this in.

It’s so tough to feel trapped…to feel like the option you want to exercise is to run away, but it seems so impossible to do…but really, what’s underneath that is feeling unloved…feeling like you don’t matter…feeling like every time you talk to your parents all you hear is disappointment or anger or judgment. To feel like there’s nothing you could do to get them to approve of you, support you, love you, believe in you. It’s brutal to be in a place where you have a constant reminder just through their presence of how worthless you feel you are.

I’m sorry friend :\

I remember feeling that way too with my parents…like they just wanted success from me, and when I didn’t bring it I was worthless…like the things I cared about weren’t important enough to them…it was such a brutal season of my life.

It’s been a decade since I’ve lived with my parents now, and I have the opportunity to look back and see that what I thought I saw as truth / objective then really wasn’t the full picture…My parents did put pressure on me, and the message I heard at the time was, “You are not good enough.” Now, the message I see they were communicating was, “We love you and believe in you and want you to be the best you can so you can have the best life we can provide.” It’s different being older and looking back – being a parent myself and hearing myself say something I’d heard them say…feeling what I imagine they felt…I see that they did the best they could with what they had.

That might not necessarily be the same in your situation, but I do know that being under their roof and under their authority is hard to see a different perspective. But I’d like to affirm you in two things – one it really sucks to feel everything you’re feeling, and those are real feelings…and two is that they aren’t true. It’s not true that you’re unloved or unworthy. And something can feel true and not be true at the same time. The truth is you are loved. More than you could probably ever conceive. And you do matter. And you are worthy. And these things don’t change even if your feelings about those truths do.

I hope that you come to believe these things about yourself – I know that I am in the process of believing them too. It’s typically not a one-and-done thing, it’s a process, but it is worth fighting to believe, because you are worth it.

-Nate

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Hey friend. I am sorry you were having such a hard time. I know I had my moments of wishing I could run away. I was raised in a place where I often felt unloved and alone. I’m very sorry that you are struggling with that too. Just know that you don’t have to be alone. You matter. You hold worth. You deserve love. I hope that maybe you will join the heart support discord where there are all kinds of people that you can connect to. Many who can likely relate to what you are going through.

I hope you are feeling a little better now. Now that’s its been 20 days. Thinking of you. Stay strong

  • Kitty
1 Like

Hey friend,

I’m sorry this is a - very - late reply. As your topic has been updated, I wanted take some time to reply properly.

I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling like this. Our parents are supposed to show the love and care we need as we grow up. It’s such an awful thing to feel stuck where you live, in an environment that you don’t like. I can’t pretend to be in your situation but I certainly felt something similar for most of my childhood. My family has been very dysfunctional and the environment my siblings and I grew up in was unhealthy. I remember wanting to leave and run away many times. I didn’t feel loved by my parents, especially my mom, and I felt unsafe to live with them. As a minor you also don’t have this possibility to actually chose what you want for yourself, which doesn’t help.

Despite this situation, some truths remains. Our friends here shared some important things, especially about the fact that you matter. I won’t repeat it but I agree wholeheartedly with them. I don’t know if your parents told you hurtful things, but please don’t forget that it’s not the truth and you are so, so much more.

I also hope you managed to find ways to express those feelings that might be weighing on you. Whether it’s through writing, talking with a friend or even through a creative medium for example. When I was a teenager, writing helped me a lot to handle the frustration and sadness that came with my situation. Sometimes I even wrote pages to my parents, just to let out of my mind and heart all the things I needed to say. It doesn’t solve the situation, but it’s still a tool that you can use anytime.

This community is here for you as well. Anytime.

Take care, as much as possible. Sending much love your way. :heart: