I decided not to reconnect with my old best guy friend. I just wanted to catch up but I’m taking everyone’s warning signs and not going to say hi. Even though I said I was heartbroken seeing him engaged, doesn’t mean I am not happy for him. It sucks when your whole family liked him then to just disappear. I just wanted to know what really happened because my Mother is a liar and I don’t have the full story. I know I should leave it in the past. Everyone has told me to meet new friends. I’m Handicapped and I have a friend who lives in California. I’m estranged from my Parents and Siblings. I am 29 and live with my Nana. All of my high school friends hate me or their SO run me of because they are insecure. After the Pandemic and riots end, I’m going to get into programs but I have trust issues. Apl I’m trying to say is that I don’t have a bad bone in my body and being looked at like I’m trying to end up with him hurt me. My own father cheated. I’m nobody’s side chick.
Hey friend,
Thank you for the update! Also for the further explainations about the situation. It makes totally sense to want to understand what happened, especially if there are some trust issues with your mom. I’m sorry you’ve been in the middle of this, that sounds to be really tough.
Your decision in regards of not reconnecting to your old friend seems to be healthy though. It’s not easy to let go of people and stories that has been with us for a long time, even despite the distance. It doesn’t delete the possibility to consider talking to him in the future. But right now it sounds that you already have a lot to think about and focusing on yourself can only be a good thing. Just take it easy. Be gentle with yourself. 
Oooooh that’s brutal…to feel like your intentions are being misinterpreted all the time, like people are accusing you of the very thing that disgusts you and destroyed your family…that is such a bitter thing. It sours you whenever someone mentions or suggests that you could be anything like your father.
And at the same time, it’s really hard to find connection nowadays, it feels like the options are limited, and when you have the opportunity to connect with someone, you really want to try.
For now, it feels difficult to wait, but you’re making a decision in faith that the advice from others is well-intentioned, and you’re trying to act in the best interest of your heart. The loneliness is tough, but you aren’t out of hope, it’s just hard to wait for things to change when every day feels so slow.