I’ll never find peace after losing my 3 month old Son 3 years ago. While also struggling with Borderline.
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Im so sorry for your loss 
This wonderful community is here when you need to reach out
Hello I saw your message. As a mother I cannot imagine the pain you have experienced. But as some who has lost multiple people in my life I can relate. The hardest thing is just acknowledging that we cannot change what has happened. Find a way to honor your son. Allow yourself to grieve. Allow yourself to think about him when it comes up. You can get through this. The pain will never go away you just learn to be appreciative of the time you had with him and channel your love. Maybe join a support group or help others who are struggling as well as a healing mechanism. Take care of yourself, you are worth it. 
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Hey I’ve been in a similar situation and It will get better you’ll always have an angel in your heart and watching over you. I wish you the best and hope you are ok :))<3