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Every day i stray farther from having a positive mental attitude


#1

I’ve debated on posting this because I know I would feel guilty and delete this topic later on but it’s hurting me a lot internally. So, I deal with a verbally and emotionally abusive dad and he’s abusive towards mainly me more, but also towards my three younger siblings, and . He believes that I’m not learning anything since I’m always on my phone and laptop and that I’m freaking stupid. I told my older half sister yesterday about him being that way but all she told me was to tell another family member since she’s all the way in another state and couldn’t do anything, but I don’t want them to think I’m crazy. I just turned 20 today, and I have no job and no car & license (I’m nervous behind the wheel and I don’t trust myself at all.) But after I told my older sister last night, I was crying as I messaged her and I didnt wanna be loud to wake up anyone because I didn’t want them to come to me and me lie about why I was crying. My dad flat out believes I’m stupid, and he’s the reason (alongside my younger sister who has an attitude problem and usually teases me on a daily basis) that I wanna give up on everything and not be on this earth anymore but I don’t because I don’t wanna leave all 7 of my friends and some select family members crushed and upset over what I did. My dad flat out believes I’m stupid and dumb, and he’s also the reason why I don’t have any motivation for anything, or feel confident over anything. I hate myself because of him, and I know this is turning into a sob story or soap opera on my part, and I also apologize for this being all over the place. I have a huge imagination and this huge imagination includes random day dreams of meeting my internet friends and being the kid of a famous person, like Brian Quinn from Impractical Jokers for example. And I know I’m gonna get asked about staying at someone else’s house, but the thing is that I only have my uncles house and I don’t wanna be a bother for him and his moms mom with me staying there and I dont wanna say that my dad is being verbally and emotionally abusive because she’s gonna end up saying that I need a car and a job, alongside my license, but the thing is that I already know I need those things. All I want is to be happy and make all my friends happy but my positive mental attitude isn’t so positive, alongside my mood…


#2

Hey friend,
I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m sorry that someone who is supposed to be loving and building you up is tearing you down. You are loved no matter what your dad says. You are capable of so much. And that friend is the honest truth. You have greatness and beauty within you. You are capable of so much. You are going to do wonderful things I just know it! Things will come, slowly but surely. Just don’t let fear control your life. I understand, but fear is a liar. You are strong. If you have a feeling in your heart to reach out. you should reach out to someone, counselor, pastor, teacher, etc.
maybe try talking to your dad. Sit him down for a serious talk and tell him how your feel. Be raw honest with him.
I’m so sorry it has to be like this. But know that God loves you and will there for you every single step of the way. :slight_smile: praying for you :slight_smile: things will get better there is purpose for you life. You are not defined by others peoples opinions of you. You are uniquely you. Yes, work hard and know that God has so much more in store for you.


#3

I am sorry about your family problems. You mention how you feel uncomfortable about driving. Is there anyway to practice your driving? There are a lot of jobs out there that want people that can drive even though you may not do any driving concerning the job.

So to improve your comfortablility with this skill will help in your job search in the long run. Also, I know people today fill out applications online a lot lately. I recommend you filll out appplications both online & offline. This way the local businesses actually see your application on time. Most of them don’t even look at online applications until after the position available has already been filled. (I know it is stupid, but I live in a small college town and that is exactly what they do here because everyone is behind the times even though they have the tech.)

I hope everything gets better for you.


#4

I shall provide an update: my dad is still emotionally and verbally abusive, and saturday night when I was facetiming my sister, my brother in law kept pressuring me to go to college, or he threatened to enroll me in the military alongside block my number from my phone. So now I really don’t wanna be around them when they come to visit for christmas.

But I have practiced driving, to and from church, alongside the backroads. I live in a small town where you have to look hard for it on the map. My dads mom is 20 something minutes away, my moms mom is a few minutes down the road. I have thought about going to college, even my moms mom thinks I should be a veterinary technician but I wouldn’t be able to handle to put animals down when its their time, and a friend told me yesterday that she thinks I should be an english major since I usually like to roleplay and make ocs, etc. I have no where else to go and live. My dad and mom are divorced, and originally my mom isnt allowed to see us but my dad is allowing her to see us but I cant go to her, and I would move down to my grandmas to stay with her since she just came out of the hospital for the second/third time this year but I’m so used to being at home and staying at home. But job wise, I have looked at the Indeed job site and car wise, I have looked at that car guru but I just cant debate on a mini cooper or a suburban, and thats because I don’t know if I want the gas, break, reverse etc. behind the wheel or under the radio because first, I’m 4’10 and I just turned 20 and second, I like both vehicles and I’m just undecided on which one I would want to get.


#5

It must feel overwhelming to get all of this out… but good for you! Now that it is out, take any word of encouragement here as a love note that you can carry today. What is true is that NO ONE knows your true heart except the God who created you. I am a mom who has made parenting mistakes when I was at my worst. I am out of that season. So hold onto the hope that the trials you have today are temporary. Lean in on love – it will hold you up when you feel overwhelmed. You can do this!!


#6

I honestly want to give up on everything and just commit suicide (but I don’t wanna give my friends a heart attack and make them panic), and I messaged a crisis hotline about my brother in law and about my dad saturday night and I felt really positive, but then afterwards, I’ve been really hating myself, been nervous, wanting to hide, wanting to move in with two internet friends and restart my whole life over and have a new identity… I literally cried saturday night as I told my friend about what my brother in law did/said to me over my sisters phone and I don’t even think my sister did anything to him about what he was doing. I’m nervous as heck when i’m behind the wheel, and sometimes even when I’m in the passenger seat with my dad driving.


I can’t take it anymore at home