I’ve tried writing about a few different topics recently, maybe because it feels good to get it out or maybe because I appreciate the unbiased responses too. Recently I’ve been feeling like there is no point to living life. I know that life is a series of ups and downs but my life has hit a plateau. Everyday is just the same cycle of events and it seems the only thing that ever brings me any joy or excitement is when my ex boyfriend decides he is interested again. I feel like I’m making excuses for myself I know there are plenty of things I could do to try and feel better but I just can’t find the motivation to do any of that. I guess I’m waiting for school to start in a couple weeks, but I’m just so sick of this sad boring life I live. I think part of me has been comparing my life to my ex’s for a while and I’ve become jealous that I can’t be apart of his life or live the life he has. I don’t know why I can’t just be happy or satisfied with my life. I am very blessed, so I feel so guilty for even complaining about it. Sometimes I feel as though my breakup and that whole dynamic is my life now and that’s just how it has to be. It’s been about a full year since we broke up and I just feel sad and hopeless all the time. I suffer through the day to wait until night to drown myself in alcohol and melatonin so I can sleep which feels like the only time i ever feel at peace. My anxiety is never ending and I feel stuck in this life. Ever since I left for college something just hasn’t felt right and I’ve tried getting a job, going to yoga, hanging with friends, school, but nothing has made my life feel complete. I wonder if it ever will, but I feel like I am wasting my life as I just wait for each day to end and the next mundane day to start.
I’m not sure if you’ve been to see a therapist or have a mental health diagnosis at all, but I know that my depression and anxiety don’t care how successful or loved I am. They talk to me from my brain and make me unsatisfied with life, make me feel sad, hopeless, like there’s no point, like I’m worthless. I highly encourage you to find a therapist and talk through some of these things! You mentioned you’re in college, you might check with your university to see what resources they have on-site.
As for waiting for your ex boyfriend to decide he’s interested again… are YOU interested? or are you just falling back on that?
I hope you’re able to find what works for you and helps you feel fulfilled.
<3
Hi, friend
First of all. You are NOT dumb. <3 I just wanted to say that. You are having a hard time, but you are not dumb. You are a human being who naturally has struggles that you are facing. And that’s okay.
It’s always nice to be able to get out what you are feeling. Whether it’s here on the forums or somewhere written in a blog/journal. It’s a healthy outlet to write out what is going on. And it’s nice to have a place like this wall so that people can reach out to you and show you love and support. So I’m glad that you shared.
Break ups are hard. Ive been through a few rough ones myself. Moving on is hard. Especially when you really cared for someone. There were times where I stayed stuck on an ex, not necessarily because I cared as much as I thought, but I was just so broken and lonely, I didn’t know how to let it go. Other times I hated that they treated me so poorly…so it made it hard to see them with someone else. It made me question and compare myself. Wonder why I wasn’t good enough to love and be with. And there were other times I got stuck on relationships simply because I was having such a hard time in my life, that even if the relationship wasn’t as healthy or as happy as it could be, I rather have that, than nothing at all. And I’ve also had relationships that I really cared for that just didnt work out. Coming out of relationships as a whole is never easy. So while I don’t fully know your situation, I can somewhat understand the difficulty of letting go.
Just know, that you are important and valued. You deserve to be with and spend your energy on someone that cares for you always. Not just sometimes or when there isn’t someone else in the picture distracting them. You deserve someone who cares for you all of the time.
Jealously can be a hard emotion. It’s one that you have to be careful not to feed because it can be so dominant and put you in a really unhealthy state of mind. But it’s totally understandable why you feel that way.
Happiness can be hard to find. I battled with it for years. It’s tough because happiness doesn’t always really just make its way to us. We have to find a way to create and promote our own happiness. Which is something that is way easier said than done. Sometimes I still struggle with it, even though I’m in a happier place than I have been my whole life.
What are some things that you enjoy? Do you have some hobbies that you are passionate about? Photography? Art? Rock Climbing? Maybe even something like Volunteering? I used to volunteer. When I was younger I would volunteer at animal shelters. For a while in my early 20s I also volunteered at a Children’s Museum. Volunteering can feel so good and really just fill you in ways that I can’t even explain. Maybe you could look to see what kinds of things are around you that you may find interest in? You’d be surprised with the people you can meet while doing that.
What feels good to you? What makes you happy. What can you do with your time that would make you feel good about yourself?
Sometimes setting small goals is also helpful. What are some things that you want in your life? Some things that you would like to see yourself doing? And what little reasonable goals can you set for yourself to help work towards those things?
Therapy can certainly be helpful if you find the right therapist. Is this something you have considered doing? I know it’s not always an option for everyone. I went for a while and it really helped me re-center myself. I didn’t always know how my therapist could help me moving forward, but honestly, just having the safe place to open up to was helpful. I mostly just needed that.
Anyway. I am sorry that you are hurting and having a hard time. I hope that you are able to find something that brings you some sort of sense of peace and comfort my friend. And if you ever need to get things out, this place is always open to you.
- Kitty