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Every relationship falls apart

The only girlfriend I’ve had in a long time lied to me and I dont get why.

We got on really well, had everything in common.

The i find out shes got a discord and dating account where shes flirting with other guys.

When I hinted at it (she didnt know I could see it) she lied about it.

Then my best friend called me a defensive coward who thinks they are smarter than everyone over some argument that wasnt even about them.

I’ve concluded I’m the problem.

Hey Throwaway123,

You are not the problem. Your feelings are valid and its your life! You have every right to be concerned about your girlfriend. You can’t control what she does, but you can control what you do. If she lied to you, you can call her out on it and you can talk to her about it. If she continues to lie, then its your decision on whether this is something you can work with or if this is something that you need to leave. As for your friend, they may be going through something themselves that made them react that way. It could be something that they haven’t told you about or they could have just been off that night or misunderstood what you were talking about. I’m sorry this is happening to you, life sometimes sucks so much. We are here for you, though! This is a safe place with people who care about you and your well-being. And, I repeat, YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM!

  • Lisa
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Both of them are gone now.

you are NOT the problem. The people you accept into your life are the problem. I promise you, finding and surrounding yourself with the right people is the best thing you could ever possibly do for yourself. People who hurt you, should be left immediately and not returned to, no matter how bad it hurts at times. I know it’s painful and difficult and hurts, but you have got to move forward and let yourself breathe. You can and will do so much more. You will meet incredible people who will accept you and love you and fight for you. Just please, give it time. It’s not the end of the world. You’re going through hell, why stop in it? Don’t stop walking until you get out.

Given how I’ve been called a coward, a liar and all sorts recently. I’m the problem.

@Throwaway123

Hey friend,

You didn’t deserve to be treated this way. And even though you can think about your relation with a lot of “if”, it was still their decision and responsability to flirt with others.

There’s always different interpretations in an argument. It’s not because your friend told you this that it’s true. It can be an emotional response, their anger or anything else talking. But no one on this earth is just made of black or white. We’re more complex than that. Yes you certainly have weaknesses. But you also have strengths.

When someone criticize you you can have healthy or unhealthy reactions. One would be for example to think that you are “the” problem. But it’s really harmful to think this. It’s always partial and things are more complex. But if you really think that your behavior is a problem - which is quite different - then you can still work on that. It’s not a fatality. We’re just humans. We have the right to make mistakes but we also need constructive criticism to better ourselves. Not just hateful judgments - which sounds to be the case with your friend.

I understand that it feels more comfortable to think that you’re the one at fault for everything and you’re the problem to everyone. It’s painful to even consider that you’ve got worth and value, that you have the right to exist. But still this truth remains. You have the right to exist and the right to be.

I hear you, I hear your pain through the different messages you posted on the forum. How you feel makes sense, totally, and no one wlll ever question that. But what you think about yourself, the conclusions you have from these situations isn’t right nor fair to you. And deep inside you know that.

Hold fast. You matter. Just because you are you. :heart:

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But you AREN’T. You are telling yourself that you are. You’re beating yourself up because you aren’t reaching people’s expectations. Their expectations are stupid, it’s YOUR fucking life! I’ve been called a coward and a liar and a disappointment and a bitch more times than I can count, but I don’t care. People’s opinions do not define who I am. What people think about me doesn’t matter more than what I think of myself. At the end of the day, I’M living with my choices, not them. If they aren’t happy with who I am or what I’m doing…fuck them.

It’s my fault , my idiocy got me here.