Everyone expects me to have plans

It’s been some time since I last posted here. But it looks like I’m back again. To summarise the time that passed; I mostly just felt numb and empty. I did fall back into the circle of sh though.

But that’s not the point of this post. I had a conversation with my mother earlier, that threw me back into the darkness.
“Your almost sixteen. It’s your job to search for schools to attend and to know where you want to go in life.”
I just, I don’t know. I don’t even see myself living past 18. I have no dreams, besides finally dying. Everyone always expects me to have plans for the future but I don’t. I’m too depressed to even get out of bed, how am I supposed to focus on things like the future?


In a way, I know how you feel. It seems like all they want for you to do is focus on your future and career but not exactly your mental health. I’m sorry that you have to go through this. I feel like I don’t see myself living past 18 either. However your mental health comes first in any situation. Don’t worry about what others want from you. You do what you need to do to get back up again. When you are ready, that is when you should look at schools to attend in. Things need time and there is no need to rush. :slight_smile:

I’ve felt a lot of what you’re talking about here before. My family pushed me to always have a plan, always know what I was going to do. That stress an anxiety basically shut down my ability to make a plan, and for a while inwas sure I would die before I was 20 anyway so what did it matter? Well, I’m 32 now. Eventually, after high school I went to college and even graduate school. But that’s just one route of MANY out there.

Maybe you have a plan for your life. Sure, some might at 16. But maybe you don’t, and that’s ok, too. I am sorry the external pressure to “figure it out” is so much. It’s really not fair, because nobody really knows what we’re doing. As I said I am 32 and I still don’t know. Not in the “lol adulting is hard who knows what we’re doing” but I mean I actually have no idea. I have had many plans. Some succeeded, some failed. But they all moved me along in life.

I don’t think having some sort of goal is a bad thing, especially if you think that might help you deal with depression and self harm. It can be hard to think of or see a future when depression just parks a big dark wall in front of it all.

Are you able to see a school counselor or a therapist for depression? It might help. And maybe you make a plan. Or maybe you start to want to make a plan. Or maybe you just start to look at the world without the clouded pressure of having to plan your entire life.


It sounds like you’re overwhelmed by the thought of making plans or how to manage your future. It’s unfortunate that while your mom is throwing you “in the darkness,” her intention is to share light.

You are very far from being alone. Many young people have the same difficulty with and similar feelings about planning. My career changes are too numerous to count, but it was generally forward momentum, and ultimately, I was able to accept my choices and outcomes.

In many cases, the only way to find out what is a good plan is to pick any plan and go for it, then if it doesn’t work out, try another one. Trying things out is how we learn about ourselves. A good solid plan is to try as many plans as it takes to find one you like. You really do have time to explore your options. Your mom may be satisfied if she knows you are doing that.


I know what you feel. My parents are the same and having an older brother who already has plans is not that easy either. I think you should take care of your mental health first of all.

Some say that you have to make plans for your life but a lot of those plans can fail. And if you make plans where is the joy of life, of living each day to your fullest?

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