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Everything hurts

Typing this at 2:30 am because I don’t know what to do anymore

The last week has been a whirlwind frenzy of pain and mental suffering. I feel so bad all the time almost non-stop. I woke up from sleep just now so I can feel more pain and suffer more.

I wish I could cry but I can’t even, just whimper in misery. I have no one left to count on except my parents who I don’t inform cuz I don’t want them to worry (I’m 32 go figure).

Life is literally hell and it has been bad for a while now. My only saving grace is that I don’t turn to meds (got calming meds but don’t wanna turn to that). Besides that: no career, no job, no relationship, no circle of friends (1 good friend but can’t talk to him), no nothing.

I’d go to therapy but I already did of course and it didn’t turn to anything cuz nothing seems to do in my life.

If this post seems self pitiable it is. And I’m sorry for that. But I just feel like hurt and terrible pain and I just don’t know what to do with myself. I really just don’t. So much stupid pain and I am so tired of it.

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Hi @CoolGlasses.

A little self pity is ok. It’s only natural.

Your life is pretty bad at the moment, there’s no denying that. But this won’t last forever, don’t forget that, okay? You’re gonna get out of this. And without true misery you can never know true happiness. Be proud of yourself for not turning to meds, that’s some guts. It’s never easy to turn away from fleeting highs like that, but it is for the best. I get that you don’t want to tell your parents, but we all fall down sometimes. Maybe you should tell them, it might help. But if you don’t want to, that’s okay. Maybe you could go to a support group in your area, and you can always post on here whenever, and you could try meditating. Don’t give up. You’re a survivor, you’ll find your way out. I believe in you. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Thank you for the reply. That is really kind of you. I have a lot of ups and downs and last night was a definite down - there’s so much going on and I have no one to turn to so it all feels so overwhelming at times. I have already told my parents and I know they want to help but I feel I would just relying on them too much and I don’t think this is something they can help me sort out. So I think I have to go at this alone for the most part and it is terribly hard I find. Yesterday I sadly had to turn to my meds because I was up all night but today I haven’t taken them and I am determined to handle this as much as I can head on.

Thank you again for the reply. It means a lot to me and is really kind to hear you say that. Thanks :slight_smile:

@CoolGlasses, It’s great that you want to try to handle things without taking meds, but try to remember that there’s nothing wrong with taking medications, either. Unless you’re an addict, which is another discussion altogether, taking a medication can be the thing that keeps you healthy and strong and determined to keep going and making a better life for yourself, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Don’t feel bad for taking them. They help to keep you healthy until you can come out on the other side of this thing that’s weighing you down.

The therapist… they don’t always work out the first time. Or the second. Some people go to a lot of different counselors before they find one that works with them in a way that’s productive. If you find you aren’t getting better, I’d like to suggest trying again when you’re able to see one, and try seeing a different one than the first. Look for one who specializes in treating whatever is causing you the most trouble. Look for reviews. Or maybe try BetterHelp.

I’m sorry that you feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to. I know you don’t want your parents to worry, but maybe they could help you through this if you talked to them. Family is usually either the best or the worst in helping us through hard times. If you think they would be able to help you, don’t feel bad about talking to them. It’s what family is supposed to do, help us through hard times and be there to talk to about whatever is going wrong. But if you still don’t want to, I’m glad you found heartsupport. We are here and listening whenever you feel like you need to talk to someone.

~Daisy :heart:

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I am sorry to sound like an inquisitor but may I ask what your sleeping cycle is like?
Do you get a consistent amount of sleep?

respect for not hitting the meds. takes a strong person to do that.
what do you mean by your life is hell right now?
Your 32 now so youve been around the mill a bit and i find the 30s a bit of a mindfuck tbh,
I try to escape using games and such. what do you do to pass the time?

Hey CoolGlasses,

Jake Luhrs asked his friend Paul Butler to do a video response to someone from our forum, and when he read through the posts, he found yours and could relate a lot to what you said, so he decided to do something to encourage you.

After he shot the video, he said in a text, “He motivated me, so I hope this can motivate him!”

You matter, friend. Hold Fast.

-Nate, on behalf of Paul

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