Everything is going wrong now

There’s so much going wrong recently I don’t even know how to explain it. The whole system is under stress to the point that new alters are popping up every couple of weeks. I keep getting flashbacks to things I didn’t even know I remembered, and one of our littles is having nightmares where she’ll wake up screaming.

I’ve been having physical symptoms too which I believe to be psychosomatic at this point (because the longer I think about it and the more stressed I am about it, the worse it feels) so I have to see a doctor to make sure nothing serious is wrong, along with a post-hospital-visit checkup.

I’ve been left on read by my partner for 12 days now, which is starting to both worry me and upset me. I’ve been ghosted before, and I really don’t want to be again.

So we have trauma and physical health symptoms all on top of making sure I don’t fail this school year. I can’t handle it anymore. My only healthy coping mechanism at the moment is just listening to Jack Stauber because his music is both my hyperfixation and my comfort music. I don’t even know at this point. My mental health is raining from the sky like it’s ashes from a burnt house.

Also, if you see metaphors like that when i’m venting, it usually means I’m genuninely upset so…

mhh this is fun.

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From: TheQueerCollective (Discord)

HOLD FAST friend!!

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From: Ash (Discord)

My dear friend I know that you are dealing with what sounds like and is a lot. I personally do not deal with multiple alters or such but someone I deeply care about and love does. They struggle to feel loved to feel cherished and recent come to realize that maybe some of the alters were not present till recently. It is important to know that you are not alone in this and that you really do have people. Personally I have dealt with new flashbacks and new memories flooding all at once and it is painful to deal with. Each and every time I am stuck to battle them to find why it is happening and it hurts. The number of times my own mind keeps me down is hard on me. But something I have learned is talking them out is important. I am glad you will be seeing a doctor as this stuff really is good to discuss with them. They may have options that you havent thought about to help you. For the partner I am so sorry they havent replied to you that is a hard situation to deal with. Just know that it will be okay and that in the end whether they reply or not that they do not determine your worth or your value. You are beyond measures important to so many people. I am glad you are here and that you reached out for the support. We support you. If you havent already consider joining the discord we have lots going on here that maybe you could find support in and through to feel less alone. Also just know that no matter what you are worth it. Hold fast Ash

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From: j71s8 (Discord)

you are loved, you matter and you’re cared for greatly. You have so much importance. You have so much value. You are worthy of love and being around others. Continue to Live for the positive and good goals in life you can do it! There are so many things in this life that can make things work well. I had problems in school when i was having other problems and it was rough. It took me a while longer, and it still feels like it took a toll. But i know the real toll it took was it took a toll on my negative emotions and negative effects on my mental health and made my wellbeing better. You are loved!

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From: Micro (Discord)

Hey friend, this sounds like a lot to deal with. The uncertainty of what’s going on with your health, the uncertainty of what’s going on with your boyfriend, and on the top of it these memories coming back to you that are affecting your system. It makes sense to look after things that are comforting and familiar to you, such as music, and I’m very glad that you can use that as a coping mechanism. I too would feel upset and overwhelmed in this situation. It sounds that, right now, there’s a lot of things out of your control, which makes it important to make self-care a priority. There is comfort and safety to find in focusing on things you can do, such as taking care of your heart and your body, at least during the time needed. You’ll get the answers from your doctor and boyfriend in due time, but until then it’s okay to be your own priority. Easier said than done, I know… but I have no doubt that you’ll get through this difficult season, at your own pace. You still and always have an army of friends right here ready to shoulder these burdens with you. Please let us know how it goes for you. Give us some updates, if you’re comfortable with it. You’re not alone. We care about you very much. <3

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Have you ever though about doing a journal? To help alters member help talk to each other?

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We’ve tried it before, and so far it isn’t working, but we’re trying to find other ways to communicate.

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