I don’t even know what I’m doing here, I’m just new. I wanted to talk about my problems I guess.
I’m being pressured to pursue something in life by my parents when I have other, bigger interests. When I disagree with them, they scream and yell and say I’m useless and that I deserve (many bad things). I don’t feel motivated to do anything anymore, all I want to do is roam on the internet and have fun. I think I have what’s called “Depressive periods” after each argument, and my mood shifts pretty often from very happy to wanting to die, which I think is unhealthy. I keep messing up and making mistakes and get yelled at or worse. I’d say this is something related to verbal abuse, even though I don’t want to say it is. I admit that I am challenging and honestly a bad person, but sometimes I think if I deserve this? I probably do and am just whining about karma. It seems like one of the most important people in my life left because I was too annoying, and stopped caring about me and looks happier without me and I think it’s because I wasn’t good enough, but I want to be enough for everyone. Wherever I go, something bad happens, to me or someone else, and it doesn’t stop. I know I have a purpose, and that I matter (mostly), but I’m just not wanting to even try anymore. I don’t know whether my problems are big or small or if I’m even talking about properly or blowing them out of proportion. Don’t take anything I say too seriously because I may also be delusional, but I want to hear your guy’s opinions on here? I have more things going on, but this pretty much sums it up…
I’m sorry your parents are pushing you to something you don’t want and are mean to you. You are not useless and you don’t deserve any “bad things”. It sounds that it is indeed verbal abuse, even if you don’t feel comfortable by saying this. Your parents shouldn’t say this kind of thing to you. You don’t deserve to be diminished like this and it can really affect the way you see yourself and your self-confidence. So whatever they say when they are mean to you, they are wrong. Please don’t forget that.
It’s quite normal if you feel depressed in this environment… it’s not helpful at all. And it sounds that you’re dealing with mixed feelings such as being aware of the situation but somehow thinking that you can deserve this. Well I can assure that you don’t deserve any of that. You are not a bad person. Maybe you tend to think that you are because you hear it from others regularly… but you really don’t deserve any of this. This is what we can call “abuse” and this word seems to defines well the situation. But when you are actually in the situation, it can be difficult to know what to think or realize something is wrong. Because we all want, naturally, to be loved by our parents and what they say is important to us. But people who love you shouldn’t make you feel like you’re not enough. It’s not a loving thing to do at all.
As it can be difficult for the moment for you to go somewhere else, I’d like to say that even if you can’t control what your parents say, you have still the power to take it into account, to believe what they say or not. You can always challenge their words and remind yourself that you have worth and value and nothing can change that. The very fact that you’re here makes me think that you know this situation is wrong somehow and it’s unhealthy. You matter, friend and you are not worthless at all. You’ll have many occasions and you’ll meet people who will help you realize this in your life. What you’re going through is not conditioning your whole life. Hang in there! You are loved and I promise there is nothing wrong with you.
Also if you check on the HeartSupport resources, maybe the depression workbook named Dwarf Planet could help you on your journey. You can have it for free, based on a donation system, so don’t hesitate to fill a form for that: heartsupport.com/resources
Thank you so much for the kind words! I’m feeling much better now and my parents have also changed a lot, so I never feel like this anymore! I’m thankful for people like you who encourage me and give me hope. I wish the best for you .
Hey @Summarine, thank you for the update! I’m glad to see you’re feeling better and your parents are being more understanding! You’re always welcome here. Wish you the best too! Take care!